Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Down with "Eat Fresh"; Long live "Cheesy Goodness"!

If I'm ever elected to a position of power (something all of you should work together in an effort to make sure never happens), one of the first things I'm going to do is make it illegal for companies to use the phrase "If this guy can do it, ANYBODY can" as well as any similar variations thereof. Why? Because it simply isn't true. I don't care how easy you think hang gliding is, some people are never going to be able to do it. As such, under my administration, Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle will be hunted like a war criminal and upon his apprehension, he will be exiled to an uncharted island in the Pacific.
Nobody has played the "...Anybody can do it" angle like Subway has. Obstensibly waging a one-fast-food-franchise war against obesity, Doctor's Associates Inc. (the company behind the Subway brand) has portrayed themselves as the bastion of healthy eating while shoving the likes of Jared and Michaels Strahan and Phelps in our faces, and trying to get us to believe that their sandwiches are made of magical weight loss medicine.
However, it appears they may be abandoning that campaign, and in the most emphatic way possible... 
"Nachos" is Spanish for "healthy" which case, it looks like Jared Fogle is on his own from here on out.

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