Wednesday, May 29, 2013

"Hello, this is Mike..."

I was at work on Saturday when a phone solicitor called, a gentleman with a heavy Indian accent.

MIKE: Hello, this is Mike and I'm calling...
ME: Mike?!? Are you kidding me?
MIKE: Yes, this is Mike and...
ME: Hiya Mike! What's your name?
MIKE: Ehhh, Mike. Michael.
ME: Well, which is it? Mike or Michael?
MIKE: You can call me Mike.
ME: Hiya Michael! Where are you from?
MIKE: Seminole, Florida.
ME: Seminole? Awesome! I'm right here in Tampa!
MIKE: The reason I am calling today is to tell you that you were selected at random to receive $100 in free gift vouchers in exchange for...
ME: Seriously? That's great! I'm all out of gift vouchers!
MIKE: Yes. These vouchers are available to you at no cost, in exchange for just trying our company's offer...
ME: Hey Mark, where did you say you were calling from?
MIKE: I'm...I'm from Seminole, Florida.
ME: Seminole? Awesome! I'm right here in Tampa!
MIKE: Yes. The offer...
ME: Seminole and Tampa are soooo close, you know?
MIKE: No cost to you...
ME: Did you go to Seminole High?
MIKE: W-what?
ME: High school. Did you go to Seminole high school? Go Bulldogs!
MIKE: Yes. I am in Seminole.
ME: You must be a proud Bulldog supporter then, huh? Go Bulldogs!
MIKE: Yes.
ME: Do you want to sing the fight song?
MIKE: W-what? No...
ME: You know what? I don't think their mascot is Bulldogs. Why would you say 'Go Bulldogs'?
MIKE: I didn't say that.
ME: Yeah, you did. You were all 'Go Bulldogs' every time you mentioned that you're born and raised in Seminole.
MIKE: I never said anything like that.
ME: Fine, I said it. But you didn't attempt to correct me.
MIKE: I did not understand. I do not understand now.
ME: Marco, I am very disappointed. If I can't trust you to tell me your name and where you're from, how can I trust you to give me the straight info on this offer you're calling about?
MIKE: I'm not from Seminole, I am in Seminole now, for work.
ME: Oh, cool. I get it. That's perfect because I'm not comfortable talking business on the phone. But since you're so close, I can just come over to your office. We can bang out all the details and you can just give me the coupons or whatever.
MIKE: $100 in free gift vouchers in exchange for...
ME: Sure, whatever. The point is, no mailing! You'll be saving your company postage fees! This could get you employee of the month!
MIKE: Well, we don't really... This is not a regular office.
ME: No problem. We can meet at a nearby restaurant and grab some lunch while we bang this out. What's a nearby restaurant?
MIKE: Uhhhh...
ME: Are you close to the Seminole Steak & Shake? Or the Seminole Subway? Or the Seminole Olive Garden? Or the Seminole Appleby's? Which of those is most convenient for you, Malik?

Well, darn the Seminole phone lines. Now I don't know where to go claim my $100 in gift vouchers. 

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