Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Smoothie operator

Someday soon, I'm going to get myself a smoothie maker (I told somebody I was going to get a blender and make smoothies and was told emphatically that they're not the same thing). Smoothies are fun, colorful and good for you. Have you ever seen anyone drinking a smoothie in a bad mood? No, you have not, because it's impossible. Just saying the word "smoothie" makes you smile, whether you want to or not. When I get my smoothie maker, I'm going to commit to using it frequently and making all kinds of fresh, fun, healthy, colorful, delicious beverages. I'm pretty sure I will go insane in the process. I'm also pretty sure I won't be the first, because I bet this happens a lot...


First smoothie

  • Bananas
NOTE: Nothing to it! Pretty bland though.


Second smoothie

  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
NOTE: Fancy!


Third smoothie

  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
NOTE: Nobody really knows why, but bananas and strawberries are frequently paired up. Bananas and strawberries are the Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson of fruits.


Fourth smoothie

  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
NOTE: Why not?


Fifth smoothie

  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
  • A blorp of peanut butter
NOTE: Stick a spoon into a jar of peanut butter and pull out as much as you possibly can. Flick it into the smoothie maker. Whatever comes off the spoon is one blorp. Now lick the rest of the peanut butter off of the spoon. You're just cleaning the spoon so this doesn't count as eating it.


Sixth smoothie
  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
  • A blorp of peanut butter
  • Chunks of pineapple
NOTE: About time we introduced citrus into the mix.


Seventh smoothie
  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
  • A blorp of peanut butter
  • Chunks of pineapple
  • Carrots
NOTE: Can vegetables be part of a smoothie? Of course they can!


Eighth smoothie
  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
  • A blorp of peanut butter
  • Chunks of pineapple
  • Carrots
  • Cucumber slices
NOTE: As is always the case, introducing a cucumber into the situation makes things a little weird but whatever. I can do whatever I want. Soon, my colon will be eligible to compete in those strong man competitions on ESPN.


Ninth smoothie
  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
  • A blorp of peanut butter
  • Chunks of pineapple
  • Carrots
  • Cucumber slices
  • Celery
NOTE: Oh my God, I really CAN do whatever I want. The only limits are those I impose upon my own imagination. There are no rules! There are no ramifications for my actions! I am become smoothie, the blender of foods! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! 


Tenth smoothie
  • Bananas
  • Cup of vanilla yogurt
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
  • A blorp of peanut butter
  • Chunks of pineapple
  • Carrots
  • Cucumber slices
  • Celery
  • Asparagus
  • Grilled onions
  • Ham
  • Sardines
  • Coffee beans
  • A potato
  • Helium
  • Feta cheese
NOTE: Clean smoothie maker and put it away. Sit quietly in the dark for many hours, contemplating the gravity of our decisions and how they shape us and the world around us. Wait about a month. Start over with first smoothie. Repeat.

1 comment:

Smoothie-maker said...

Someday soon, I'm going to get myself a smoothie maker (I told somebody I was going to get a blender and make smoothies and was told ... ssmoothiemaker.blogspot.de