Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I hate this picture

I hate this picture.
It's a huge waste of time to hate an object. As dumb and pointless as it is to hate people, it's at least twice as dumb to hate things. Because when you hate people, whether it's a single individual person or a whole group of individula persons, there's a possibility of inflicting some kind of emotional and/or psychological damage. That's not a good thing but at least you're accomplishing aomething. Things are immune to all of that because they lack the ability to care. Still, I hate this picture.
This whole buying-a-house thing is still not resolved and I'm living in a hotel room where this picture is the only decoration in the place. I've been spending virtually all of my time by myself locked up in that room, waiting for a call that doesn't come. The hotel is nice and the room itself is perfectly fine, but it has started to feel like a jail cell. When I'm there, the tv is on but I'm not really able to pay attention to what's on. I brought books but can't summon the level of concentration neccesary to be able to read them. Instead, I find myself listening to the same dozen thoughts, all tied to my current anxieties (How much longer is this going to last? What if it never ends? How am I going to pay for this? I miss my cats! etc.), cycling through my head. It's like having a radio that only gets one station that only plays ten different songs; after a while, you start thinking, "well, this is all the music there is". That's what happens when you're stuck. You lose perspective. Being aware of that isn't the cure for it either; it's very difficult to force yourself to adapt a different viewpoint. Pointing out an inability to see the forest for the trees is not going to help anyone whose face has been stapled to a tree.
What I'm saying is I know my persepctive is skewed and I'm pretty sure I've started going a little nuts. And through it all, I find myself staring at this one picture.
Man, I hate this picture.

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