Not so fast, would-be homeowner boy

Long story short, I didn't close on Wednesday, or yesterday (Thursday), for that matter. Hopefully, I am doing that as you're reading this. That's the tentative plan, anyway.
It's remarkable how much I am a person who is defined by setbacks like this. I don't mean catastrophic occurrences like disease and death and dismemberment. I know I'm fortunate to have side-stepped anything in that regard so far. I mean in areas where a normal person should be able to follow steps from A to B to C and end up at D. I simply can't seem to do that without detouring into E, J, M and Y. It took me longer than normal to learn to tie my shoes and ride a bike. I almost missed my deployment to Germany while I was in the army because my paperwork got jacked up. The book took almost a year longer to get published than I wanted. Now, apparently, I can't just buy a house and move into it. Sure, sometimes that's funny and gives me stuff to write about. But I don't need to take the scenic route every time, do I? And sure, it was interesting to learn that my employer had me under the wrong social security number for the last two years for some reason, but I could have done without that step and the messes it has caused.
I hate to sound like I'm complaining. Like I said, in light of how things could always be worse, this stuff just boils down to pains in the ass. And I'm really NOT complaining, just more like remarking with amazement. I am the sum total of a seemingly endless series of mistakes, accidents and screw-ups.
Still, if I may whine just a little, I'd really like to go home soon, so I can stop staring at this for hours every night: