Monday, June 30, 2014

Mother Nature tried to steal my stuff!

When I first moved into my house, I bought a wind chime at a local craft market to hang on my front porch. It's got a metal duck with beads and forks and spoons hanging off of it that make a pleasant tinkling noise when there's a breeze. I know it sounds fruity. Screw you, I like it.
Anyway, the other day I was going somewhere and I happened to notice that it was gone. My first thought was major disappointment, because I really like my neighborhood and the people who live there. "Aw man, what kind of trifling, no-nothing steals a wind chime?", I thought. But then I got out of my truck and looked closer at a huge vine creeping up the front of the house that I somehow hadn't noticed previously.

When did that get there??

Look at that thing. It's friggin' huge! I leave my house every day and I like to think I'm fairly observant. That means it grew REALLY fast, like the vines you see in a Tarzan movie that actually reach out and grab people. I think if I'd sat in the yard and watched it, I would have seen it grow. Upon examining it, I realized that my wind chime was still there but ensnared in a half dozen or more tendrils that had grabbed hold of it to help it climb.
There's a wind chime in there

I went inside and got a knife and hacked it away then moved the wind chime to another area on the porch, so that mystery/problem is solved. But now I'm creeped out. What if I went away for a week or two? Would that thing have climbed up and over the roof and eventually surrounded the entire house? I cut it but will it just grow again? Are there more of them? Are they pissed at me?? This is a situation that will require twice-daily monitoring, at least for the immediate future.
I've got my eye on you, Mother Nature, you and your sneaky-ass plants. Keep your grubby little vines off my shit!


Michael Noble said...

If I were you - and I'm not, so you know - I would keep one eye open when you go to bed at night.

That plant could be a renegade Triffid or something and you might have pissed it off.

Better yet ... I'd move if I were you. Or at least get a dummy that looks like you for a decoy just in case.

Anonymous said...

This is what you shud do... Rent all the Tarzan movies from the early 70's and see what he would do... Signed SOTM