Gay dudes, lesbian chicks, straight folks of either gender. Let's do this!
|I think that covers everybody.|
I mean, let's you do this. Not me, you goofs. I'm not what you would call "marriage-eligible"*. Although, I do want to be involved, albeit in a very specifically defined role. And in case you haven't figured out where this is going, of course I'm talking about officiating your now-completely legal nuptial ceremony. As an ordained minister, I am ready, willing, able, legally qualified and budget-friendly to make your love official in the Great State of Florida. Not only that, I'm good at it. One wedding, no divorces. Undefeated!!
This might sound like a great, big jokey-joke but it's not. "We thought we were getting married and Clark enlisted us in the Marine Corps." Ha ha ha, right? No! This is totally on the up-and-up.
As stated on this blog previously:
THIS IS NOT A JOKE! As an officially ordained minister, I am qualified to legally marry the living daylights out of you and your spouse. Seriously, I will marry you so hard, you won't walk right for a week.
Wait a minute. We're getting off on a weird tangent here. Let's focus.
The point is if you're straight, gay, lesbian or any other combination I'm not immediately aware of, it doesn't matter. It's all good! I don't care! I can commit weddings of ALL kinds. You find somebody you love who loves you back? Beautiful! We're in business. I'll make sure the necessary paperwork is taken care of and I'll perform the service. I'll even write the vows or incorporate yours into the ceremony, if you're writing your own (which I think you should because that's a really sweet and thoughtful thing to do). And here's what may be the best part: I work cheap! Check it out: All I require is an invitation to your wedding reception, seated at a table with one of the more morally casual bridesmaids.
DISCLAIMER: I reserve the option to NOT do the Electric Slide or the Cupid Shuffle.
Again, THIS IS NOT A JOKE!
Marriage. You. Your man/woman. Me. Your girlfriend from college who's known to sleep around and may or may not have a drinking and/or self-esteem problem. Let's get it done!
* = capable of being loved by another human being