Monday, January 15, 2007

Baby, let's cruise...

Under unwritten Kitchen Cabinet charter by-laws, one member proposing "we should (fill in the name of fun and/or worthwhile activity here)" followed by at least one other member seconding with "hell yeah!" or some other suitably emphatic statement of affirmation is all that is required to begin the process of taking the suggestion from beyond consideration, to the conceptual stage and ultimately to (hopefully) fruition. This is how we have come to find ourselves in limousines, theme parks, some great (and some not-so-great) restaurants and the documentary film business. And it is how we have come to find ourselves considering going on an ocean cruise at some point in the near future. I have no problem admitting that I am the member who seconded "hell yeah!" in this case. Going on a cruise is something I have sort of fantasized about for some time now. The idea of being at sea, completely unreachable by those to whom I want to be unreachable, is definitely attractive...although, being wired the way I am, I have concerns that include, but are not necessarily limited to the following:

  • Cruise ships are friggin' huge - How do those things float? They're like buildings...scratch that...cities! How do they not sink? Please don't attempt to explain the concepts of bouyancy, ballast and water displacement to me. I'll just get a headache and I still won't understand.

  • "Titanic" - see above

  • Pirates - They're still out there

  • Giant squids - They're still out there

  • Terrorists - Some extremist jamokes infiltrating the crew decide to wreck my vacation by acting a fool and forcing me to go all Jack Bauer on their dumb asses.

  • Gambling - Cruise ships have casino gaming, which I love. But that doesn't mean I'm good at it. Cue visions of going broke 90 minutes after we leave the dock, forcing me to spend the rest of the cruise in my cabin reading old news reports about giant squids and pirates.

  • Bad food - Cue visions of getting hold of some bad clams 90 minutes after we leave the dock, forcing me to spend the rest of the cruise on the toilet with my pants around my ankles and reading about giant squids and pirates.

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