Can't beat fun at the ol' monster truck jam

One of the annual entertainment extravaganzas we have here in Tampa Bay is the Superbowl of Motor Sports, which features the purely American phenomenon of monster trucks, outlandishly huge vehicles driving over and crushing other vehicles. There is no way on earth that people from other countries can even comprehend why we do this so it doesn't matter that none of us can explain it. One of my all time favorite entertainment industry stories occurred at a monster truck event at the old Tampa Stadium back in 1986 0r 1987, when two guys came down one of the ramps pushing an empty wheelchair. They had apparently gotten in an argument with their friend at some point and now couldn't find him. I helpfully pointed out that he wherever he was, he probably wasn't far away. They left to go look for him and I told our staff that they should probably listen for muffled cries for help from one of the upper concourse restrooms some time the following Monday.

This year the event was re-named Monster Jam and it was sponsored by Dairy Queen. They got the guy with the impossibly deep, growly voice who does all the bad ass TV voice overs to do the event's TV ads. But I don't care how impossibly deep and growly your voice is, it's impossible to sound like a bad ass when saying the phrase "brought to you by Dairy Queen".

Anyway, I worked there this year to make a couple of bucks spending money and this was an actual interaction I had with a customer at the ticket window:

CUSTOMER: What seats you got left?

ME: We're sold out of seats. All we have left is standing room only tickets.

CUSTOMER: So, where do I sit?

ME: You don't. You stand up.

CUSTOMER: I don't understand. What does that mean?

ME: Ok, you know how it is when you sit down? Like, you're not standing up and you're in a chair of some sort, sitting on it? Well, picture yourself inside the stadium and not doing that. Now picture yourself not doing that the whole time you're in there. That's what that means.

CUSTOMER: Y'all ain't got enough chairs.

ME: Hmmm, I'd say it's more of a problem with an over-abundance of butts, not a paucity of chairs.

CUSTOMER: What about these pit passes? What's in the pits?

ME: Tar. Really hot tar. I saw some dinosaurs in there earlier. I don't think they were enjoying themselves.

CUSTOMER: You're kind of a smartass.

ME: Well, somebody's gotta balance things out, sir.