Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Mondays get a bad rap

There's a long established tradition of declaring that Monday is the worst day of the week, a sentiment echoed by two of modern society's greatest philosophers, Ziggy and Garfield. I'm here to say that they're both full of shit and I am prepared to prove it. Here are the days of the week listed in inverse order of how much they suck and why.

#1. SATURDAY: Saturday does not suck at all. Saturday is awesome. if for no other reason than you can stay up as late as you want, before and after. There is simply no reasonable debate here. Only if you have a job that requires you to work or if your religious faith prohibits you from having fun do Saturdays suck. But in both cases, that's your fault and if you don't like it, do something about it.

#2 FRIDAY: Yeah, you have to work but if you're truly honest about it, you'll admit that you're allowed to slack off quite a bit on Fridays. Your employers know your mind is already on the weekend and there's nothing they can do about it so they only offer token resistance. That's when they schedule employee birthday get togethers, they let you wear jeans and even slide out the door a few minutes early. If every day at work was like most Fridays are, nobody would ever complain. Also nothing would ever get done.

#3 THURSDAY: So close to the weekend, you can almost taste it. There's no way you're not going to make it now! Knowing how lax Fridays are (see above), it's even safe to go out on Thursday nights and cut loose a little bit. And even if you don't, the best shows on tv are all on Thursday nights. No downside.

#4 WEDNESDAY: Hump day. This is where they start to get tough. You're stuck smack in the middle of the quagmire that is the work week. But you can console yourself with the fact that at lunchtime, you're now half way home. And by the end of the day, the finish line is still pretty far away but at least now you're looking downhill towards it.

#5 SUNDAY: Or more accurately, the late half of Sunday. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Think about it, the dread you feel about having to slog through another miserable week of work actually sets in some time on Sunday, not Monday. That's when you remember what is ahead of you and you feel deflated. So you do laundry, put your toys away, and make sure you're in bed at a decent hour. Even the stores close early, a not-so-subtle reminder that your weekend is over and it's time to wash your socks.

#6 MONDAY: I never said Monday didn't suck. Indeed it does. It sucks a great deal. However, it doesn't suck as much as...

#666 TUESDAY: The worst day of the week, no question. If you think of the work week as a great, big festering bowl of some kind of nasty food you have to eat for some reason, Monday is like that first big spoonful that you gulp down just to show you can do it and it's not going to be that bad. Well, it is bad but if that were the only spoonful you had to eat, you'd be just fine. No, it's the second spoonful when despair overcomes you and you realize you're going to be eating this slop for some time to come. Tuesday is that second spoonful, where you put it in your mouth, which still has the nasty aftertaste left over from Monday, and swallow it with considerably more difficulty than you had with the first one. And that's when you look down at your bowl and realize you're not even half finished. Yuck.


Wildhair said...

In retail everyday has the potential to suck. That is unless you have a mid-week day off. Then, it's like Monday on Thursday because you were off Wednesday.
Yes, it's my own fault that the line of work I chose has better benefits and pay with the 'big guy retail outfit'.

Why, it's Clark! said...

Miss Riss, I can definitely relate as I was in a similar boat for a loooong time. If I were wrting this list a year ago, it would look completely different.

citizen jane said...

There's a reason we sing happily about Friday, I'm in Love. And bemoan the blues on Monday, Monday.