Tuesday, September 14, 2010

One job I couldn't do at the ol' ballpark

I went to a baseball game last night and paid attention to the vendors roaming the stands. Most of them have a standard line of patter they use when hawking their wares. Something along the lines of "HEY, COLD BEE-AH HEE-AH! GETCHA ICE COLD BEE-AH OVAH HEE-AH!" I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
I don't think I could do that job. Not because of the heavy lifting and all the stair-climbing, although I'm not going to dismiss that because it's obviously a physically demanding job. No, it's because I think I'd lose focus and would just kind of launch into stream-of-consciousness yelling. I blame this on my inability to focus as well as this being the age of Twitter, Facebook and just plain oversharing in general. Sure, I'd start out with "HEY, COLD BEE-AH HEE-AH! GETCHA ICE COLD BEE-AH OVAH HEE-AH!" but by the fourth inning I'd be slipping in "HEY, THIS THING IS HEAVY OVAH HEE-AH!" and "GOOD GAWD, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BE SWEATIER THAN I AM RIGHT THIS MINUTE!" and "HEY, WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO CONSTRUCT AN ENTIRE BUILDING OUT OF STAIRS ANYWAY? AM I RIGHT? THIS IS MADNESS!". By the end of the game, it would be like "SO I JUST GOT MY PHONE BILL. MAN, AM I GLAD I SIGNED THAT NEW CONTRACT OVAH HEE-AH!" and "I'M HUNGRY. I HOPE SUBWAY IS STILL OPEN AFTER THE GAME. OR I COULD GET ONE OF THOSE $2 COMBOS AT TACO BELL. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD DEAL. YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT!"

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