Friday, March 15, 2013

I like Tina Fey

Hi. I've never met Tina Fey but I like her. I recognize this doesn't make me special as lots of people like her. I've liked her since seeing her at Second City in Chicago (in a cast that included Scott Adsit, Kevin Dorff and Rachel Dratch) when nobody knew who she (or anybody else in the exceptional cast) was. This makes me a little special, as it's the comedy equivalent of saying you saw Hank Aaron play in the minors and comedy nerds who can't say that are probably somewhat envious. She's married and has kids but is a celebrity so it's totally fair game for me to admit I have a crush on her, just as long as I don't do anything to push things past reasonable bounds of behavior into the realm of creepy. These actions would include (but are not limited to):
  • Following her around, taking pictures and generally just being a pest.
  • Getting tattoos of her (or even just her name).
  • Sending her a whole shitload of letters, like more than two. Because honestly, two letters from someone you don't know is already a lot.
  • Sculptures. Or drawings, but especially sculptures.
  • Writing and publishing a series of stories in which she is constantly in some form of danger and I am rescuing her because I have an enchanted sword and also can communicate with a dragon I've named "Frenchy".
  • Writing and publishing a series of stories in which the behavior is so explicitly raunchy that the dragon stories are comparably sweet and innocent.
  • Anything at all that might remind anyone even slightly in any way of "The Silence of the Lambs". 
I have absolutely no intention of doing any of that stuff or the five or six things that you've already thought of that would be far, far worse. One, because that behavior is simply unacceptable. Two, because this is a case where my laziness could actually work in my favor for a change.
I'll probably never get a chance to meet her and run the risk of saying something stupid and inappropriate (all I'd want is a photo or maybe an autograph, but there is simply no way of predicting or controlling what horrible things could happen when you engage in a conversation with another human being), however, thanks to the magic that is the internet, I get to see what her reaction might be...

1 comment:

Donna said...

It puts the lotion on its skin