Friday, July 03, 2015

Why we can't have nice things: When rainbows attack!

Here's the interesting thing about stupid people; we all agree that they exist and that there are a whole bunch of them wandering around out there and ruining our lives... but nobody ever thinks they're one of them. That's a mathematical disconnect that simply can't exist, folks. There can't be lots and lots of stupid people if nobody is stupid. But there are and so, somebody is. A perfect example is this World Champion. Watch and listen...

"What the heck is in our water supply?" To make this happen? Umm, just water.
"What the heck is in our oxygen supply? Of the metalicized-ized salt that creates a rainbow effect in a sprinkler." I'm pretty sure you don't need any salt to create a rainbow effect, regardless of how and how many times it's ized.
"What is oozing out of our ground?" Well, in this case it's pretty.
"Not just around our sun and our moon anymore..." Huh?
"Everywhere we look, the visual spectrum is rainbows." Oh, I get it. You mean these guys...
Admittedly more prevalent than they used to be.

You know, in the good ol' days, she would have proclaimed the sprinkler to be haunted, set fire to it and that would be the end of it.
Take that, accursed sprinkler. Or witch. Whatever.

Now however, she clearly believes that she is far more intelligent than the average rube who hasn't noticed this phenomena when in fact she's immeasurably more stupid than those who see it all the time, understand exactly how it happens and aren't worried in the least about it.
One can only hope that the sirens heard in the background are coming from the wacky-wagon on its way to her house to take her to a psychiatric treatment clinic because we don't currently have facilities to treat the aggressively stupid. I mean, we do, and they're called schools but she apparently skipped second grade or whenever it is that they teach you how rainbows work, basically that it's light refracted through drops of water to create a spectrum of colors. Of course, most small children don't need to take that class before figuring out that rainbows are probably the most harmless things that exist.
Vicious predator (by comparison)
DBoots (the author of this clip) skipped all the science-y stuff and went straight to a conspiracy theory that, I guess, works something like this:
  • The Government has an unquenchable thrist for energy sources, energy they need to take away our rights, both constituional and human. 
  • To that end, they've pumped some sort of substance into the ground that is now oozing up and manifesting itself in the form of sinister backyard sprinkler rainbows.
  • Because that makes energy. Somehow. I guess from people freaking out.
  • Ironically, the only way to combat that tactic is by freaking out.
  • So don't play into their hands by running around, screaming and hollering about it.
  • But do run around, screaming and hollering about it.
Basically, DBoots wants you to be deeply concerned about pretty colors and the threat they pose to your rights, if not your health and safety.

See, she's one of the stupid people and because we're nice, we let her and people like her operate motor vehicles, vote, work, have babies and roam freely within our borders. Then we have to spend significant time and resources to make sure that those people don't harm themselves or others operating vehicles, voting, working, having babies and roaming freely within our borders. As a result, we don't have the time or resources left over to have and enjoy nice things.

No comments: