Monday, August 10, 2015

Here he whores again: two things I want you to look at (please)

Something I really hate is how I seem to be constantly begging for something from you, my readers. Far more often than I like, I seem to be pandering for you to come watch this, go click on that. Inundating you with ads at the expense of providing you with content. Blah blah blah blah.

But look how I'm not going to stop doing it. 

I just wanted you to know that it doesn't make me happy. If it helps, please know that it's not the only thing I do that makes me hate myself. 
Here we go with two items that require request your attention...

1) 6 minutes you can't have back  

I mean the six minutes you'll (hopefully) be spending when you watch me doing stand-up comedy at Side Splitters on the 16th, not this video advertising that I want you to come watch me do stand-up at Side Splitters on the 16th. Actually, you're not getting any minutes back, so I guess it's both.

All right, so when I disinterestedly asked you to vote for me in this year's Creative Loafing's Best of the Bay about a month ago, that was when they were taking nominations, determining who was worth voting for. The actual voting didn't begin until the other day. Oops!
Somehow, I'm actually on the ballot in several different categories:

Wow. First, at the risk of sounding corny and cliche'd, I'm sincerely flattered to be nominated in all of these categories. I didn't nominate myself (I didn't even go to the site, which is why I didn't know there were nominations followed by voting) so that means somebody out there (you!) likes me. That means a lot and I genuinely appreciate it. 
Secondly, you are out of your minds on some of these. That doesn't make you a bad person but there's no way do I deserve to be mentioned among the other people nominated in most of these categories. No way! That said, if I win, I will gladly accept whatever trophy(ies) come my way. Of course I will. But that doesn't mean I deserve them.
Dodgers pitcher Brandon McCarthy is also 0-for-6 at the plate this season.
Thirdly, since you felt obligated to nominate me, then I feel obligated to ask you to go back and vote for me. Or other people who are really good and deserve awards (sportswriter John Fontana, award deserving podcaster Spike "Spike on the Mic Show" Slater and comedians J.B. Ball, Cam Bertrand and Tony Gaud, for instance). And in categories I'm not nominated for (in?), I would request your votes for friends like Vivienne Brown, Amy DeMilo, Ronny Elliott, Rob Pastore, Rebekah Pulley, Mariella Smith, Rebecca Zapen wherever you see their names pop up. I'll thank you sincerely in advance on their behalf.

Lastly, you may notice that Chili's and Cracker Barrel appear among the nominees for Best All-Around Restaurant. Please don't hold that against me or any other nominees. I think someone was joking. I hope.
In conclusion:

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