Knock, knock...

Here are two stories involving my front door that happened within the last 24 hours.

Last night, I had just gone to bed when I heard someone trying to open my front door. Sure, it was late, I was tired and the cats are constantly getting into stuff, but the sound of someone trying to turn a doorknob makes a pretty distinctive 'chnnk-chnnk' sound
and that is definitely what I heard. I waited a second to see if they were going to try to break a window but that didn't happen. I guess whoever it was didn't want to get in that badly, which is good. For reasons of my own, I would never consider having a gun and even though I know I have several, I didn't know exactly where the nearest baseball bat was at that hour. We all like to think that if someone breaks into our home we'll have the advantage over the intruder because we know the layout of everything in the dark and the adrenaline would kick in if we were put in a position of having to defend ourselves and/or loved ones turning us into cunning warriors. But these factors are probably negated by the facts that we're going to be nervous to some degree, the person breaking in is obviously pretty desperate, probably prepared for some sort of confrontation and has in all likelihood decided that they won't mind hurting you. In fact, that may be the reason they broke in in the first place...Ah, it was probably just the cats getting into something.

Tonight, I had just gotten home when somebody knocked on the door. Unprepared for company and thus lacking a witty quip, I yelled out the classic "Who is it?" and was answered with "It's Matt and John. We want to talk about The Bible." Wow, Matthew and John are both in The Bible. And since I don't know anybody named Matt and John, at least that travel as a couple, they must expect me to know who they are. What if it's the Matthew and John? This could be the opportunity of a lifetime! Not entirely convinced that it was the Matt and John, I asked again "Who is it?". Again, they replied, "It's Matt and John". I'd had time to think about it now and realized it probably was not the Matt and John so I asked again "Who is it?". "It's, uh, Matt. And John. We said we want to talk to you...". By now I had lost interest in the possible theological merits of this conversation and decided to conduct a social experiment, mainly how many times could I ask "Who is it?" before even the most dedicated door-to-door solicitors of Bible discussion named for participants therein gave up and moved to the next door. The answer is 19. I asked them 19 times "Who is it?" before they got pissed off and gave up. If they're really angry about it and come back later and try to break in, I will hit them with a baseball bat.