Wednesday, August 27, 2008

'Tooned up

The top 10 fairly common occurrences that would be 100X better if they happened in real life the way they do in cartoons

10) OCCURRENCE: Suffering massive head trauma
NOISE: Massive cymbal (or gong) crash
WITH: Reverberating head that briefly assumes the shape of the object that caused the trauma

9) OCCURRENCE: Catching sight of an attractive person
NOISE: "Ow-oooga!"
WITH: Bulging eyes and elongated, protruding tongue

8) OCCURRENCE: Walking quickly on tip toes
NOISE: "Tinkle-tinkle-tinkle-tinkle"
WITH: Walking only on the very tippy tips of the toes

7) OCCURRENCE: Ingesting something hot
NOISE: Air raid siren
WITH: Crimson red face and smoke pouring from ears

6) OCCURRENCE: Catching sight of something unusual
NOISE: "Yi-ee-yi-ee-yi-ee-yi-ee-yi-ee-yi-ee-yi"
WITH: Rapidly shaking head side to side

5) OCCURRENCE: Getting extremely angry
NOISE: Tea kettle rapidly approaching full boil
WITH: See # 7 plus levitating briefly

4) OCCURRENCE: Kissing
NOISE: High-pitched, wet squeak
WITH: Little red hearts appearing in mid-air

3) OCCURRENCE: Impending, unavoidable doom
NOISE: Softly uttered "uh-oh" or "oh no"
WITH: Terror-widened eyes and either waving bye-bye or holding up a little sign on a stick that expresses reluctant acceptance of inevitable fate

2) OCCURRENCE: Going somewhere in a hurry
NOISE: Bullet ricochet
WITH: A puff of smoke (or dust) shaped like the person who left momentarily occupying the recently vacated space

1) OCCURRENCE: Far too many to list
NOISE: "Boi-oi-oi-oi-oingg!!"
WITH: Far too many to list

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