Monday, August 10, 2009

A short conversation about birds

"Hey, if you could be any animal, what would you be?"

"The only reason you're asking me that is because you want to tell me what kind of animal you want to be. So why don't you just tell me."

"Don't say that. That's not true. I'm asking because I want to know. I like to learn new things about you and understand how you think."


"Yes! I sincerely want to know."

"Well, I've always kind of identified with..."

"I would be a bird!"


"I don't know what breed specifically, but definitely a bird."

"(sigh) That's understandable. Man's desire to escape the shackles of gravity is as old as..."

"I would poop everywhere!"

"So...what excites you about having the ability to soar through the heavens would be..."

"Everywhere, you understand? I mean on things way up high so that when somebody looks out the window of their penthous, they'd say, 'eww, there's poop way up here on my veranda! Why?!?' So awesome! Or just flying around and letting it drop wherever, whenever, on people walking down the street. People just minding their own business, enjoying some fresh air, feeling good about getting some exercise, thinking about what they're going to have for lunch or on their way to an important meeting. Then all of a sudden, SPLAT! There's my poop! Now their day is ruined for no good reason at all. Sure, they would be mad but what can they do? I'm a bird, man. It's nature. And even if they wanted to do something about it, I'd be miles away before it lands. They wouldn't even know it was me. Except I'd probably want to circle back to see the reaction. I think I would eat lots of colorful berries and stuff too. Think about that."

"I think I'd like to be some kind of animal that kills birds."

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