Monday, December 21, 2009

No justice, no dessert

There was a dessert contest at work the other day, part of the annual company Christmas luncheon. The 23-Year-Old announced that she was going to submit an entry because she thought it would be fun. I agreed. It would be fun to defeat her and crush her dreams during the holiday season. So I announced that I would be submitting an entry of my own.
"So what are you making for the contest?", I asked.
"Oreo Balls! They're so yummy!", she answered. "What are you bringing?"
"I can't tell you. But I'll give you a two word hint. 1) A. 2) Mazing."
"Oh geez, you'll probably get some unclaimed birthday cake from the clearance shelf at Publix and have a chocolate fountain shooting out of it."
"Wrong! Why do you say that?"
"Because when you don't have something of worthwhile substance to contribute, you have a tendency to overcompensate with some loud and showy presentation designed to distract and overwhelm..."
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!", I answered through my bullhorn and hung up.
Now that she'd guessed almost exactly what I had planned to do (I wanted to incorporate pyrotechnics somehow), I had to scramble for a Plan B option. Once I had it, I called to make sure she was still going to be in the contest.
"Yep. And you'd better be there for my victory speech."
"Uh, you're not going to win."
"Yes I am. These Oreo Balls are delicious and everyone is going to love them. You are not going to be able to ruin this for me."
"We'll see about that. Just bring your balls and don't forget to bring your camera."
"Oh, to document your sad little tears when I win?"
"No, to document my huge, awesome tears when my dessert punches your balls in the face."
So the big day arrived and here's what she submitted...
Not bad, I guess. Good try.
Now, here's mine...

Golden sponge cake, filled with creamy foam? Incredible! Here are the two entries side-by-side...

I know, right? No contest!
Well, somehow, I didn't win. Apparently, the judge gave higher consideration to things that people actually made on their own. Well, la-ti-da! Excuse me for not being Bobby Flay or whoever. Shouldn't a bow that enormous and festive count for something? Plus, I noticed it didn't stop anybody from eating the whole box. Communist hypocrites.
Anyway, here is the recipe for the grand prize recipe:
The 23-Year-Old's Award Winning Oreo Balls
  • 1 package regular size Oreo cookies, crushed
  • 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
  • 1 package white almond bark
  • 1 package chocolate almond bark


  1. Using a blender or hand held mixer or a big ol' spoon, mix crushed-up Oreos and cream cheese together.
  2. Roll into walnut size balls.
  3. Chill for an hour. The balls, that is. You can chill too, if you want to.
  4. Melt approximately 3/4 package of white almond bark.
  5. Stick a toothpick in the balls and dip them in the melted white almond bark.
  6. Allow to harden on wax paper (takes about 15 minutes).
  7. While waiting, melt about 1/4 package of chocolate almond bark.
  8. When Oreo balls are no longer sticky to the touch, decorate with drizzles of chocolate and white almond bark. If you don't have a pastry bag, you can just cut a tiny hole in a regular old sandwich bag. If you do have a pastry bag, odds are you aren't even reading this.

Photos courtesy of the surprisingly ungracious in victory 23-Year-Old


citizen jane said...

pssst... i have a pastry bag. And read the whole thing. that says something about me, but i'm not sure what.

PS: I love twinkies.

Brandi said...

Twinkies are the obvious winner here. I think the contest was rigged. The balls do sound somewhat edible, though. Unfortunately they just require so much more work than the Twinkies! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Again, why why why do you torture her so??? She seems like a perfectly nice girl. She must have done something wrong in a past life. I'm glad she won this time! Maybe you will learn your lesson (okay, I hope you don't, because it is funny, but still).