Sunday, March 21, 2010

A short conversation about Picture Day, circa 1886

"Okay people. This is a big day for The Bank of Tampa; we are going to have our company photograph taken! This image will stand as document of our pride in this institution, as well as the fidelity and dignity it stands for itself so it's very important that we get this just right. I see you're all wearing your finest three-piece suits. Excellent! Let's all go outside then..."

"Got it, chief."

"Carl, where are you going?"

"Oh, me and Bill and some of the other fellas are going to crawl out of the windows on the second
floor and pose on the ledge."

"Why in the world would you want to do that?"

"I don't know. Inspire our customers? It says, 'Look, we're willing to go out on a limb...well, a ledge...for you'. You know, it's like a metaphor for investments and stuff."


"Plus, it's kind of bad ass out there. We go out there all the time. We want our picture taken doing that!"

"I don't see what..."

"We're not all going to do it. Nathan's a pussy and so he and some of the others are just going to lean out of the windows."

"I am not a pussy. I just think it would be a good idea to let our customers know that the windows on the second floor are fully functional. That's the kind of thing a person wants to know about their bank. 'Hey, do those windows up there actually open up?' They sure do, Miss Parsons, they most certainly do. And that means you can trust your life savings to us."

"Bill and I are going to take off our jackets, showcase the goods. Nathan, you should scream like a woman or a little girl and it will look like we're rescuing you from falling or something."

"God, I hate you so much, Carl."

"Quiet, all of you! Stop bickering! Now, while I do not see the merit in your ideas, I do trust your judgment as professionals in the fledgling fiduciary industry that is destined to set the course of world history for centuries to come, so go ahead I guess. Just tell the photographer to wait to take the picture until I've gotten all the way up on the roof and standing right next to the sign so people will know we're The Bank of Tampa and only the bank president gets to touch the sign."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"The rest of you, stand around awkwardly. Make sure some of you are posing quite rigidly, like soldiers, while others are acting like you don't give a shit. Let's make tintype magic, people!"