Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Never mind the bollocks, here's the Republicans

It looks like Tampa will be hosting the 2012 Republican National Convention. This is fantastic news from a tourism standpoint, since here in Florida, we are all about the tourism industry. So as a resident of Tampa, and thereby a de facto ambassador on behalf of the city, let me be among the first to welcome all the Republicans who will be coming to visit. You'll be hearing a lot about our city in the near future and will be receiving all kinds of comprehensive information about lodging, dining, attractions, entertainment and various services to help you make your travel plans. In the meantime, I'd like to very briefly point out just a couple of points of interest...

Local-centric cuisine
WHAT YOU WILL LIKE: Try the Cuban Sandwich. What the cheesesteak is to Philadelphia, the Cuban is to Tampa. You'll find literally hundreds of small, family-owned and operated establishments (the kind that made this country great because they appreciate the freedom this country offers and how that freedom creates opportunity for those who are willing to work hard and make sacrifices, which is essentially, truly, The American Dream) that serve this local delicacy.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT LIKE: Very, very few of those families will be able to provide proof upon demand that they were born in America.

Nearby beaches
WHAT YOU WILL NOT LIKE: You won't see any silhouettes of offshore oil drilling platforms in the distance adorning the skyline.
WHAT YOU WILL LIKE: You'll probably see oil!

Faith among the locals
WHAT YOU WILL LIKE: You will undoubtedly encounter many, many people who live their lives guided by faith-based principles, and who maintain a strict adherence to those principles in spite of harsh criticism they face from those who ridicule their beliefs and who would seek the elimination of their very church itself if it were at all possible, which, thankfully, it is not.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT LIKE: They're Scientologists.

4 comments:

citizen janey said...

You -- and this piece -- are brilliant. That is all.

JPFDeuce said...

What Janey said. :D

Charles said...

You got me laughing out loud at work today - excellent post!

Jessie said...

HA!!! *choke* ahem. Awesome.