Monday, June 27, 2011

Dr. Science answers your science questions!

Way out in the ocean (one of the really big ones) beyond where the radar planes fly, lies Science Island. This tropical sanctuary to the world's greatest minds is where we have everything all figured out and where I rule as King of the Scientists, a title I won by defeating all comers in the annual Tournament of Science held inside a giant volcano (which more often than not degenerates to wrestling). I am Dr. Science and I am here today to answer all of your science questions. let's waste no further time. Let the questions commence!

Dear Dr. Science,
Why does it always rain on Saturdays?
-- Christene, Florida
 Because the earth is perfectly round, it is designed to function best with round numbers. Saturday, the 7th day, aggravates its obsessive compulsive Attention Deficit Disorder,  stresses it out and makes it all sweaty. Good question! Thanks and happy science!

Dear Dr. Science,
Why, after you shake up a soda can real good, does tapping on the lid three times stop it from exploding when you open it?
-- John, Florida
Soda can technology was invented at the same time as wrestling technology and the principal of 'tapping out' was applied to both technologies simultaneously in the name of science.

Dear Dr. Science,
Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
-- Jan, Florida
Because just like me, they long to be close to you. Also, I am covered in bread crumbs. It's part of an ongoing science experiment that I can't talk about and you wouldn't understand.

Dear Dr. Science,
Why does my heart feel so bad?
-- Jeff, England
Too much Bangers and Mash.

Dear Dr. Science,
Why do birds sing so gay?
-- Jeff, Great Britain
Because birds are gay.


Dear Dr. Science,
Why does my heart hurt so much?
Too much Bubble and Squeak.


Dear Dr. Science,
Why do fools fall in love?
-- Jeff, Jolly Old
Fools believe that love is necessary for the procreation on their species, a myth disproved several times by the exhaustive scientific research of Dr. Jerry Springer.

Dear Dr. Science,
Why does my heart skip a crazy beat?
-- Jeff, Albion
Too much Toad-In-The-Hole. Please refrain from asking health diagnosis questions. I'm a science doctor, not a other kind of doctor.


Dear Dr. Science,
What is it that makes a man gaze down from his penthouse suite, watching those young children sleeping rough on the street?
-- Jeff, Londontown
A man must gaze down from the penthouse because in almost all cases, the penthouse is located several stories above street level. If he gazed up, the only children he'd see sleeping would be moonchildren and there are no streets on the moon. Also, the government wants to reassure you there are no living beings, children or otherwise on the moon (yes, there are).


Dear Dr. Science,
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
-- Jeff, East Detoit
That is a line from "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland",which Lewis Carroll (nee Charles Lutwig Dodgson) wrote as a satirical commentary on modern mathematics. Therefor this is a math question, not a science question. However, the answer is 11. Duh.
 
Dear Dr. Science,
Going back to my original question,if Sunday is the 7th day (according to the Bible),wouldn't that make Saturday an even numbered day?
-- Christene, Florida
Saturday is Latin for Seventh. It's named after Saturn, the seventh planet ever invented. Not really a science question but within my range of knowledges. Maybe I'll answer theological quandaries, like why God rested on the first day (because everything was closed except for football) next time!
 
Dear Dr. Science,
But didn't God rest on the SEVENTH day,because it WAS football Sunday?
-- Christene, Florida
Nope. Science!

2 comments:

Lynn Crawford said...

What's "Bubble and squeak" mean?

Why, it's Clark! said...

It's a British dish and that's supposedly the noise it makes when it's cooking. Although, I'm highly immature so I'd rather think of it as the noise your butt makes after you eat it.