Friday, August 05, 2011

Racism: Justified!

A while back, I attended a wedding. Both families happened to be of Polish descent. The ceremony was lovely, as all wedding ceremonies are. That led to the reception which was fine as well. I was, of course, at one of the outlying tables, with a bunch of people I didn't know and who didn't know me. The ceremony had started at 4:00 PM and now it was almost 7:00 PM and we realized they hadn't cut the cake yet. That's when some guy at the table piped up, "this is why people hate Polacks".
Holy shit!
Like I said, I don't know this guy; he's probably a co-worker or internet friend of either the bride or groom or a creepy, inappropriately hands-y cousin (such is the case with those seated at the outlying tables). But he's got it all figured out! Do people realy hate 'Polacks' and is this the reason why? Well, of course the answers are yes and yes!

Now, growing up, I heard and repeated my share of so-called 'Polack jokes', and I can't say I didn't know what they were about; clearly, the point was that Polish people are supposed to be inherently stupid. But I didn't know why and I didn't hate Polish people. Why would I? I couldn't find Poland on a map (still can't) and all I really knew was that Polish people's last names tend to end in 'ski', although not always. Certainly no reason there to hate somebody. I just thought jokes about inherently stupid people were funny. As I matured, I stopped because I learned that senseless intolerance of other races and cultures is insensitive and hurtful to people.
Well, all bets are off now! Because thanks to this wedding guest, I learned that Polish people are stupid because they're slow to pass out cake. The cake is just sitting there, for three hours, and we're hanging around like a bunch of jerks, doing  the "Electric Slide", waiting to eat it. Clearly, those of Polish heritage are incapable of comprehending the importance of promptly distributing slices of celebratory baked confections to their invited guests. I was waiting for him to get on the horn to people who prosecute hate crimes and tell them to take Polish people off the endangered list:
"Hello, US Government? Check this shit out; I'm at a Polish wedding and guess how much cake they've handed out? None! No slices. Not a single one. Oh yeah, there is a cake. It just hasn't been cut and handed out. No photo opp with the bride and groom adorably smearing icing on each others faces and no cake on a plate in front of us! So can I burn a cross here now or something without getting in trouble or what? Huh? Sure, we got a meal but...yeah, an entree and a vegetable. Actually, it's a buffet....yeah, twice...okay, three times, but once was just for some cheese cubes and crackers. Oh, and shrimps. And these little fried raviolis. All right, four times. But...what's that? Yes, open bar. No, not a DJ, they sprung for a full band. They're pretty good too. Now what gift? I don't know, probably around $25. No, $20 because it was in the Sunday circular. Why? What does that have to do with the cake, that beautiful delicious, uncut, uneaten cake that they're obligated to give me some of in order to prove their love for one another? Hello? Hello?"

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