Friday, October 07, 2011

You can't make this stuff up...well, you CAN, but you shouldn't

The other night on the way home, I stopped at a 7-Eleven to get some gas. I also needed to put fuel in my car but the main reason I went there is because I wanted a 7-Eleven Big Bite hot dog. I went up to the counter and informed the clerk that I wanted one...  "Do you want it on a (unintelligible; might have been "rat", "raft", "wrap" or something else)?"
"On a (same thing; seriously, I have no idea)"
"It's what I call a bun."
"Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I want it on a bun."

  • First of all, of course I want it on a bun. Why would I not want it on a bun? It's a hot dog. How else would I want it, stir-fried and served over noodles? Am I supposed to believe that people walk into convenience stores, ask for a hot dog but say, "hold the bun, just hand it over" and then walk down the street munching away on it like a candy bar? Okay, I can believe that probably does happen. But not often enough for it to be something the clerk needs to ask about.
  • Secondly, what the hell are you talking about? Did you say "rat"? Because that's what it most sounded like. Where and why did you come up with that? If it's because of an incident that happened in this store, I don't want to know...yes, I still want the hot dog though. Don't judge me,
  • Third, who are you, that you think you can just invent brand-new slang terms for things that have existed for centuries?
  • Three A, how do you expect anyone else to be familiar with a slang term that you invented and that only you use? Can I pay for it in farts? Oh, "farts" are what I call "money" and I'm the only person in the world who does this. As a result, many servers in restaurants insist that I not tip them.


Jessie said...

*giggling profusely*

Randy Howard said...

Love your style, bro. New to the area, but will def be following you.

Why, it's Clark! said...


Jeff Hickmott said...

Could have been raft I guess. Would definitely have made more sense than rat. After all, in old diner lingo, Adam and Eve on a raft is two poached eggs on toast. Toast and bun are both bread items; so raft would make sense by association. You know what, i am giving entirely too much thought to this.