Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Guest Author: Mr. & Mrs. FruDO

Today, we are treated to a piece of internal company correspondence created by a mystery author, whom we will refer to as FruDO. The main reason for all the secrecy will be self-evident when you read it. The other is that some of you may know FruDO and/or Mrs. FruDO, who furnished us with this (with his permission on the grounds of anonymity). If you do or even if you think you do, please don't say so in the comments; I'll have to delete it. The only things I will reveal that are even close to a hint is that yes, this is real and no, this is not from a company I have ever personally worked for. Although if they're hiring...

Not everyone values their job.


Thousands of unemployed people are out there, pounding the pavement in search of a job. And yet, too many companies are saddled with employees who jerk off in the company restroom instead of at home in front of the computer as God intended.


Here is an email from Frustrated Director of Operations to such employees. See if you can spot the puns and other efforts to avoid ending up in a harassment lawsuit.

Gentlemen,


It has been brought to my attention that the etiquette level in the men's bathroom has plunged to an all-time low.

Etiquette is a complicated beast. The whole philosophy of etiquette is to be aware of others and to act in a way as to minimize or eliminate your negative impact on other people whenever possible. To that end:


· Urinating all over the seat and not wiping it up is bad etiquette because you can and should clean it up.


· Not flushing the toilet is bad etiquette because you can and should flush the toilet. We respect the conservationist in you, but please stick around and flush twice or thrice if need be.


· Leaving empty toilet paper rolls (even when the second one has sheets left) is bad etiquette because you can and should replace them with a full roll. If supplies are the issue, please get in touch with me and I'll make certain we have enough on hand.


· Speaking of on hand, not having a grip on your libido is bad etiquette. Hats off to you if your mind got occupied with imagery so powerful that you felt it necessary to take care of it right then and there, but in the future don't. Friendly reminder: when we request "new product" this is not of what we speak.



Please take this email as a call to employ common sense in our shared bathroom. Leave the area as clean as possible for the next teammate.

Thank you.


The Director’s wife was so impressed, she asked to tape this to the bathroom wall at home. She was refused.

2 comments:

Ruprecht said...

*snort*

NumberWhisperer said...

Favorite part: the friendly reminder about new product. I wish this was my boss.