Wednesday, November 20, 2013

We are bitches

We are bitches. All of us. Every last damn one of us. Just a big, dumb, batch of bitches. Bitches by the billions.

"What kind of bitches, Clark? 'Bitch' has recently become one of those overused words with a wide variety of definitions and... "

Little, spoiled, whiny, snivelling, entitled, complaining-about-every-tiny-thing-that-doesn't-go-our-way bitches.

"Oh yes. That kind. Okay. Please continue."

No forum provides greater proof of our collective bitch-ness like the 'comments' section of any web site, particularly restaurant reviews. Specifically THIS restaurant review, posted by somebody (not me) earlier this summer on Google:

Let me start off by saying that LongHorn Steakhouse (Tampa, FL) has an incredible host staff and a spotless bathroom. Unfortunately, my experience with the food and the rest of the staff was below average.

I ordered a 7oz filet with a side of vegetables and a house salad with honey mustard dressing. Now, who cares about the salad, I was there for the steak, which wasn't bad for a steak cooked medium. The problem was I ordered my steak cooked between rare and medium rare. I told Glenn, the bartender that I would prefer another steak, this time cooked rare. He took the overcooked steak back to the kitchen and had them cook me another. About 10 minutes later (red flag) Glenn brought me out another steak, this one more overcooked than the last.

I took a couple bites then held myself back from throwing a temper-tantrum. Really, there was a beautiful girl sitting next to me at the bar that I was trying to impress. I knew that I could've either complained and gotten another chance at a steak and not the girl or I could've eaten the overcooked steak and gotten a chance at the girl. But not both. I chose my chance at the girl. Bad choice.

As I fidgeted the steak, Glenn asked me how it was. I said, "it's ok but it's still not rare" as I frowned and pointed to brownish grey meat. Glenn called over Robert Arnot, the manager, who asked me what the problem was, as if I had started a fight. I told him that I would eat the steak, even if it's not what I ordered. I wanted to impress the girl with my laid-back approach to conflict. Now, had Glenn and Robert cared about my experience that night they would've grabbed the steak from me and made the kitchen cook it correctly.

But they didn't do that. They let me eat an over-cooked steak that I didn't order. Either they didn't care about my experience that night or they were poorly trained in non-verbal communication and customer service. Or, I like to think, they were just having an off night.

I paid my bill, tipped 17% and got up to leave. Glenn walked over to me and patted me on the back. I wanted to kick him in the shin but I just smiled, walked out, drove home, jumped on my computer and wrote this review.

My recommendation is that if you decide to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse at 2055 N Dale Mabry Hwy in Tampa, FL 33607, you order your steak black & blue if you want it cooked rare, order it rare if you want it cooked med-rare, order it med-rare if you want it cooked med, and order it med if you want it cooked well-done. Or you could just go to a different steakhouse.

p.s. The girl rejected me anyway

For a steak you should go to some other place. The food was overcooked and only one side with my steak, while other places let you choose two. The staff was nice but not really excited, maybe because it was earlier during the day. Overall it's not bad but given choice I'll go to some other chain steakhouse


Today's lesson: The next time you employ the tactic of not acting like a bitch in order to impress somebody and it fails to get you laid, why don't you just go ahead and act like a bitch about it.

1 comment:

Perry Block said...

How did you get ahold of my letter, you bitch?!