Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Trolling for dollars

President Barack Obama opened a Twitter account the other day.
First, the bad news - He immediately received "welcome" messages like this:
And this:
And these beauties:
Of course, it's not racism because racism is over and stop dwelling in the past and yappity yap yap and bleeble bloop blarf.

But here's the good news - "Threatening the president of the United States is a specific crime, carrying a maximum penalty of five years in prison and $250,000 in fines. The Secret Service even has a dedicated team called the Internet Threat Desk. A spokesperson told the Daily Dot that the agency constantly monitors social media for potential threats but declined to share any specifics. And yes, there’s an illustrious history of Americans ending up in prison for tweeted threats toward the president.

In 2013, North Carolina man Donte Jamar Sims was sentenced to six months in prison for tweets like “Ima Assassinate president Obama this evening!” When Alabaman Jarvis Britton tweeted “I think we could get the president with cyanide! #MakeItSlow” in 2012, he got off with just a visit from the Secret Service. But he posted similar tweets a few months later, and he ended up with a year-long prison sentence. Ohioan Daniel Temple is currently serving a 16-month term for tweets like “so I gotta kill barack obama first.”

There’s little evidence yet on what happens when users tweet threats directly to Obama. But there’s plenty of precedent of people ending up behind bars for contacting the White House directly with a threat. A Texas woman named Teddy Bear Paradise was sentenced to almost two years for mailing Obama a letter promising to kill him, for example, and New York’s Christine Wright-Darrisaw got almost three years for calling the White House and describing to a staffer in detail how she’d kill the President." - The Daily Dot

In other words, the President has solved all of America's financial problems by trolling the internet. Brilliant! If they can collect cash from everybody who hates Obama (you know, the good ol' American patriots who are not racists but people who want a return to the values that made this country great and just coincidentally happen to have little regard for black people, that's all), we'll be able to fix the budget, give raises to all the teachers, cops and firefighters and have enough left over to establish a school lunch program for graduate students. Well done, sir. Well done!

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