Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Hands-on advice

I was waiting on a customer today, passing a pen, paper and cash back and forth between us. Immediately after the transaction was finished, he left, and the customer who had been right behind him said, "You need to know that I was just in the bathroom with that guy and he did not wash his hands when he was done."
Oh. Thank you. Good to know.
"I'm telling you this because a couple years ago, I was extremely sick. I had become infected by some kind of deadly bacteria that was literally liquefying my internal organs from the inside out."
Good god, that's terrible!
"And even though it's impossible to know exactly how I got it, the doctors said it was entirely possible it could have been from something as simple as contact with someone who didn't wash after using the bathroom. So now I'm very sensitive about things like that. I'm sure you understand."
I do. And I sincerely appreciate the heads-up because that's gross!
"Yeah, I'm only now really getting back on my feet.
Well, that is remarkable because you look fantastic now!
"At one point, I lost well over 100 pounds in a matter of months."
...Say what now?
"Oh yeah. It was terrible. I literally couldn't eat so much as a single grain of rice without severe discomfort."
Is that right...
"Yep. I was on a regimen of Gatorade and water, and even then, sometimes I couldn't even handle the Gatorade because of all the potassium in it. You could almost see the weight actually falling off of me."
Really!
"Oh yeah. I looked dramatically different every day."
And this was just from going into public restrooms and licking the fixtures?
"Uhhh...what?"
Nothing. Say, exactly how long do you think it took to get down to where you are now?
"I had a life threatening disease. And even though I survived, there were times I wished I hadn't..."
Yeah, yeah, I heard you. Listen, which bathroom were you just in?

2 comments:

Gadzooks64 said...

Google Map that bad boy and link me, bitch!

Why, it's Clark! said...

Only if there's enough e coli to go around.