Everybody's doin' it!

Everywhere you go, everywhere you look people are getting shot. Tattoos? Yawn. Piercings? Very 2002. Cosmetic amputation? Nobody's doing that yet (as far as I know), but it's still not cool.
Nope, bullet wounds, bitches. Bullet wounds are where it's at! Check it out, poseurs:

• Tampa robbery leaves 1 man dead
• Man dead after shooting at gas station
• Teenage boy dies after Tampa shooting

And all that's just from yesterday! Woot!

Sounds cool, Clark!
It is! It's the coolest!
I want in on this!
I know you do! Getting shot is radical awesome!!
But how? I don't live near an...um...urban area. I thought I had to go to a...you know...um...well, I didn't want to say it but a "black" neighborhood.
That's politically and factually incorrect! You see, the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution grants American citizens the right to keep and bear arms. In 1791, when the Second Amendment, along with the rest of the Bill of Rights was adopted, the United States military structure was still being established and militias comprised of average citizens were called on to defend people and property. This, along with needing to fight off thought-to-be hostile native inhabitants and mountain lions, as well as keep slaves in line, was an important issue in 1791 but completely irrelevant in 2009. But guess what? It's in there so everybody gets to have a gun if they want one! Weeee! This means you can be literally anywhere and there's a decent chance that somebody is packin' heat. And if somebody owns a gun, you have to believe they've at least considered the possibility of shooting somebody for one or more reasons, valid or otherwise, decided they're okay with it and strapped one on. The beautiful part is that none of them need to be reasonable people whose line of work requires them to be armed and have taken one or more safety instruction courses and who may or may not have recently lost their jobs, homes, marriages or be under any other kind of undue stress. Nope! They just had to be born here and fill out some paperwork. Kinda like having kids. Interesting that there are virtually no restrictions or qualifications to bring peoople into the world or take them out of it. Yee ha!
Wow! That makes me wonder: How is it even possible that I haven't gotten shot yet?
Maybe you're just a loser. Or you stayed indoors yesterday.