Friday, November 13, 2009

I'm bringing triskaidekaphobia back

Before it became synonymous with a series of increasingly too-stupid-to-be-scary slasher horror films, Friday the 13th used to be known as the day when everybody could suddenly become ultra-superstitious and assign blame for anything bad or even unusual to the dark supernatural power of the coincidence of a day of the week and date of the month occurring at the same time, thereby abandoning all reason and rational thought.
Now we just do that every day.
Let's reign it back in a little bit, shall we? You can still be freaked out by things for no reason at all, but keep it to yourself until Friday the 13th rolls around so we can keep it a special holiday, just like the Druids (or whoever came up with it) intended. For example, here are two things that give me the creeps with no good reason whatsoever. You don't have to tell me it's crazy or stupid to fear these things. I already know that. That's why I don't go around talking about them all the time.

TRAFFIC REFLECTOR BUMPS - I'm not saying there are scanners in all of these things that read the computer chips that are embedded somewhere in your vehicle's circuitry and that they gather and store data about your travel tendencies...just in some of them. Many of them. Enough of them. Ever wonder why some roads have them and some don't? Yeah me too/neither. Anybody remember ever seeing the guys from the road commission putting them in place, or did they just kind of show up one morning without anybody really noticing them? Yeah, that's what I thought.

PEPSICO PRODUCTS - Everybody knows that Pepsico owns the Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut food franchises. That's why those restaurants serve beverages that come from the Pepsi family of soft drinks. Now, do you remember the Joker's plan from the first Batman movie (the one with Micheal Keaton and Jack Nicholson)? It had to do with poisoning people with cosmetic products that were harmless by themselves but became toxic when used with each other. With that in mind, what's my guarantee that they don't put some kind of chemical agent in their food that reacts negatively with non-Pepsi brand soft drinks? There are no guarantees that washing down Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut food with a Coke instead of a Pepsi could cause extreme gastrointestinal discomfort, which would result in training me to only order Pepsi products from that point on. Think about it; you're on your way to suffering at least mild symptoms of that kind of distress just from eating the food by itself. There's no point in taking any chances.

1 comment:

Gail said...

As always Clark; solid and flawless logic.