Friday, November 27, 2009

Let's judge books by covers!

It's officially Christmas gift shopping season and that means that many of you will be heading out to buy books for friends and loved ones. Because nothing says "I think I know you and what your interests are" like books, except maybe board games (although in the case of books, you have about a 50%-75% chance of being right, which is about 48%-73% higher than board games).It's been determined over the years that the very best way to judge a book is by the cover on that book. That's why they put so much work (photography, calligraphy, typesetteraphy) into them. Simply put, the good ones have good covers.
You can apply this to people as well. If you see a person whose facial features are arranged in a way that you find aesthetically pleasing, whose body is not misshapen, out of proportion or otherwise contorted, you may safely assume that this is a good person, because clearly they have an endorsement of the highest order (that being that God doesn't hate them).

But let's get back to books, shall we? I'm actually writing a novel myself right now. Did you know that? It's true! Seriously, I am. I started it on November 5th, as a participant in National Novel Writing Month, with high hopes of producing 50,000 words by the end of the month. Unfortunately, forces conspired to make reaching that goal impossible (led by the force that is my job at the Soul Press. "Oh, do you write for a cool, alternative entertainment magazine that covers funky music?", you ask. No, I mean quite literally a place that crushes my soul) but I'm still writing it anyway, in spite of the lack of support or interest. When it's done, the cover will feature dinosaurs pitched in battle against space robots, just so you'll know it's awesome, even though that's not what the book is about.
Let's take a look at some of the books currently on many bestsellers lists that are sure to find their way under someone's (yours?) Christmas tree this year...

Beware! For if you push the blue button, you will summon...The Lacuna! (I don't know what a Lacuna is but if I had to guess, I'd say it's probably some kind of vampire)

The financial philosophies and strategies of Rick James.

The team needs a new ballpark.

Warning: There's at least one photo of some creepy Indian guy with footlong fingernails inside!

"Hey, have you seen my copy of the album Prince released in the fall of 1992? I can't find it anywhere."

If there are as many words inside as there are on the cover, you're getting a bargain on sheer volume alone.

Duh. A shoe, obviously. But where are the laces? And where is the other one? Hmmm, mysteries to be solved within...?

Keep smiling. Everything is going to be okay.

"Hi. I'm a professional athlete. Here is my message to you. Now buy my book."


Wildhair said...

Hey! Isn't that the running jacket she wore on "Runner's World" that Newsweek ran that was so sexist?

Why, it's Clark! said...

I think you might be right! Either that, or she just has lots of red clorthes (red states, red clothing..)