Happy National Fast Food Day!

HOW TO CELEBRATE: Think of the drive-thru lane at the fast food restaurant of your choice as a parade and you're on a float. Feel free to honk and wave at spectators. Sure, go ahead and throw some beads if you want to. For all anybody knows, you're the king and/or queen of National Fast Food Day (it's a vacant title, so why not?). The parade will wind slowly around the unused picnic tables, past the dumpster and up to the speakerbox, where you will wait for it to call unto you. When it says something that sounds like "Woo zoo lie to try a exer vay yoo combo?", that is your cue to testify and proclaim your devotion to one or more of the items on the display board by intoning their name(s). Wait there in quiet reflection until the box says something that sounds like "FoFeetyFo, Poo fo wud" and then proceed. You will then be given an opportunity to make an offering (about $4.54 or so). At the end of the parade route, a sullen high school dropout dignitary will ceremoniously shove the traditional colorful paper bag full of hot, salted lard and a festive tankard of carbonated sugar water in your general direction. Accept these gifts solemnly (try not to cry), give a brief appreciation speech ("Thanks") which may or may not be acknowledged ("Mmrrfvn") and then go forth and repeat the process for every meal you eat today...which is NATIONAL FAST FOOD DAY!

PS: Please try to refrain from abusing animals in the process.