Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Doctors probably get bored too

"Science is whatever we want it to be"
The other day, a friend was experiencing some upper respiratory discomfort and went to the doctor, where she received the following diagnosis:

"Your right lung doesn't sound good and you're hungry."
That means one of two things:
  1. She was assembled incorrectly
  2. Her doctor was trying to be clever
I'm guessing it's the second one. I don't doubt for a minute that doctors get as bored with the day-to-day routine of their profession as anybody else does with theirs. Sure, they make good money and a career in the healthcare field, particularly as a practitioner of medicine, has got to be fulfilling work above and beyond the monetary rewards. But you can only look at so many lungs, stomachs, elbows, hoo-hahs and neeners (and vaginas and penises too) before everything blurs together into one, big, fleshy pile of tedium. Who could blame them if they thought their lives would be less monotonous if they were more like Hugh Laurie as 'House' (a character who clearly wishes he was more like Sherlock Holmes) and wowing their patients with amazing medical sleight-of-hand and derring-do:
"Your right lung doesn't sound good and you're hungry."
"Wow, Dr. Science! I have been coughing and feeling congested. But how did you know I haven't eaten in over six hours?"
"Why, it's actually quite simple, you dullard. The stethoscope is a highly-sensitive listening device. With it, I was able to not only hear a rattling in your lung but also a faint borborygmi emanating from your digestive tract."
"Your tummy is grumbling."
"That! Is mind-blowing!!"
"Well, as I said, it's actually quite simple...if you're a doctor, of course (chuckles)."
"I'm not though. I don't even know how a Frisbee works. So, when you say my right lung doesn't 'sound good', what does that mean in layman's terms?"
"Well, are you familiar with music, and how music is generally pleasant sounding? Something that most people enjoy?"
"Yes, yes I am."
"Well, the sound I heard from your right lung was like the opposite of music in that it was unpleasant. I didn't enjoy it. At all."
"That sounds serious."
"It is. It's very serious. I don't like things that I don't enjoy."
"So what am I gonna do?"
"I will prescribe for you some medicine and a cheeseburger."
"Oh thank you, Dr. Science! Thank you for flying in from Science Island, where you are king of the other scientists, and saving my life. Twice!"
"You're welcome. Now, give me more money than you have."
"Will do!"

1 comment:

John Myste said...

Very entertaining!Ironically, I found this site by following a link on a poetry site. I guess the site was dedicated to poetry. Who knows now. By even bringing it up, I am living in the past.