Sunday, April 10, 2011

Muffin update: womb with a point of view

Since this is Florida, where gasoline would cost $1.50 a gallon if we could somehow transform the stupid things that happen on a regular and recurring basis right here in our backyards into some kind of energy source, the word "uterus" has been deemed inappropriate for use in certain conversations, particularly those taking place in the Florida House of Representatives. Frank Cerabino of the Palm Beach Post does a good job of explaining and ridiculing the situation (because honestly, how could anyone with a reasonably functional brain be expected to resist the temptation of doing one and not the other?).

Now, as for me, personally, I don't have a uterus...that I know of! Am I right folks?

Haw haw! Oh no he di'int!
 But If I did, I would expect to have the right to talk about it whenever and wherever I goddamn well please! Am I right or am I right, folks?
Yeah! Rawr! Yeah!!
After all, I talk about my testicles all the time. At work, in the library, at my grandmother's house, at your grandmother's house...

Um, you had us...
On the phone with you at 3:00AM when you think I've had too much to drink, but nope, I'm completely stone cold sober, just talking about my favorite subject: testicles. Specifically, my testicles. Wherever, whenever I goddamn well please. Well, guess what? Ladies don't even have testicles! Did you know that? I didn't. I do now though. I mean, I knew. Of course I knew. I just didn't think about it. Well, I'm thinking about it now. And so if I want to include ladies in the conversation about my testicles, it's only fair that I allow discussion of the female equivalent, the uterus. Am I right or am I 100% dead-solid on-the-money right, folks?
Okay. May have gotten a tad off course there.
Anyway, in conclusion, the Florida House of Representatives: what a bunch of scrotums.

Testicular Cancer and Uterine Cancer are no joke. Let's work together to wipe them, and all the others, out of existence.

OR MAIL CHECKS AND/OR MONEY ORDERS (payable to The American Cancer Society) TO ME AT:

3655 Coopers Pond Drive, #202,
Tampa, FL, 33614

And if you'd like to RSVP for the Muffinquest party at Tre Amici, you can do so here.

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