Monday, October 01, 2012

What time is it?

Hey, here's something that happened recently that illustrates how I'm really just not a very good person and also that I don't have very good ideas.

HER: "Hey, what time is it?"
ME: "I have no idea. I don't know how to tell time."

Rather than take a second to answer the world's simplest question, I lied about lacking a skill we all develop by the time we're six. And I don't have a good, valid reason for that either. It's not that I didn't want her to know what time it is. That's not classified information that I have to guard with my life. It's just that I couldn't be bothered to provide it to her. I don't remember what I was doing at the time. I can guarantee it wasn't very important. Whatever it was, I didn't feel like stopping long enough to exert whatever energy it takes to move my eyeballs enough to raise my field of vision 30° and find a nearby timekeeping device. Between televisions, microwave ovens, phones, video recording devices, computers and plain old clocks, there are probably at least 15 different things around us at all times that tell us what time it is and I didn't feel like looking at any of them. 
No, instead, I made up a lie that makes me look dumber than any second grader. And it's not even a good lie! It would only apply to old-fashioned clocks with hands. What would I even say about the myriad of digital clocks surrounding me all the time, that I'm incapable of reciting a series of three to four numbers?

HER: "What time is it?
ME: "I have no idea. There's a one and a two and then there are two periods stacked sideways on top of each other and then a three and a eight. You can't expect me to memorize all those numbers and then figure out how wayward punctuation factors into this."

Do you realize how many times I could have just answered her in the time it took to come up with this lie and then perpetuate it? But the key to any lie, good or bad, is commitment.

HER: "You don't know how to tell time?"
ME: "Yeah, I never learned or I forgot or something. It doesn't matter. I can't really talk about it."
HER: "You poor baby."
ME: "Well, yeah."

Anyway, I never told her what time it was and she thinks I'm either an idiot or highly inconsiderate or both, but I still feel like I won that one.      

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