You lucky, lucky lady!

Hi there!

Remember me?

You might not. Because when I was trying to talk to you, you acted like you couldn't hear me or you were busy or something. That's a shame. I was going to buy you a drink. Your choice!

Any way, shortly after that, you probably didn't see this whole thing because you left, but some guy was checking you out. He wasn't even subtle about it, turning his head and everything. Not cool. Not cool at all. And I let him know about it.

"Hey bro, what's your problem?"

"Excuse me?"

"I saw you looking at that girl. You need to back off."

"Which girl are you even talking about?"

"The one I saw first. She's mine."

"Dude. Whatever."

He turned to walk away and I broke a pool cue over the back of his neck. Man, he went down like a little bitch. Or more accurately, somebody who had suffered a sudden blunt trauma to their spinal column. His friends were all like, 'you psycho, he's attending college on an athletic scholarship!'. Ha ha ha! The bottom line is I kicked his ass under the rules of fighting.

The good news for you is that under those same rules of fighting, you really are mine now. And when I get out of here in 90 days or so... my lawyer is going to argue that being treated in the county hospital for the broken collarbone, a blood-filled left eye and a dislocated jaw that I suffered at the hands of either the bouncers who threw me out or the cops who arrested me (I honestly don't remember) should count as time served... the first thing I'm going to do is give you a call.

Hey, seems we both have something to look forward to now, don't we?