"Is it the news? I'll bet it's the news."
"Of course it's the news. It's so..."
"Depressing?"
"Yes! Ugh!"
"I know. Everything is so ugh and augh and oog. Nobody is enjoying this news. I mean, at all. You should see my Twitter feed. Ugh."
"Who can blame them? It sucks!"
"I wish I was Jon Stewart."
"Or Stephen Colbert.
"Or The Onion."
"People love those guys."
"Sure. Fake news is hilarious."
"Not like this stuff, so... what did you call it?"
"Depressing."
"Yeah. Ugh."
"You know what we should do? We should pull an Onion!"
"Do what now?"
"An Onion. A fake story!"
"Is that what that's called?"
"Sure. That's where they got the name."
"That is a funny name..."
"So let's do it! Everyone needs a good laugh right now. It will cheer everyone up!"
"Sounds cool! How do we do it?"
"We'll go on the air, keeping totally straight faces, and say they caught a suspect in the bombings!"
"And people will think that's funny?"
"Yes! That's how comedy works! Haven't you seen The Daily Show? It's funny because it's fake. 'Oh, look everybody, here's George Bush driving a car' or whatever."
"Ha ha ha! Classic!"
"Yeah, but we gotta keep totally straight faces. No cracking up like Carol Burnett."
"But what if people take it seriously and they think a suspect really is in custody?"
"Then it's even funnier! Then it's like, 'ha ha, because some people are so stupid!' Right?"
"Yeah! Oh, this is gonna be fun. We're gonna Onion America good!"
"We're gonna totally Onion the shit out of America!"
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