Friday, April 26, 2013

Craigslist: Still a hot mess (emphasis on "mess". And maybe "hot")

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself with tickets I had purchased for an event I couldn't attend. I figured I could recoup the money I spent on them by selling them so I placed a free ad on craigslist. That worked out nicely as I found someone who wanted to go. I sold them at face value (scalpers are scumbags, by the way) so I got my money back and they got to attend the event. Everybody won.
The downside is I've been inundated with email from robo-hookers replying to my ad (it's listed in the subject line of the email), trying to get me to visit their porn web site. All the emails basically say the same thing. Here's one of them:
Whats up I'm an ordinary gal looking to find nsa fun but having issues acquiring a legit man. I picture we will be great in bed so when can we hook up? Before we proceed could you do me a little favor and gaurantee that you are indeed real and harmless? I hope you understand, this is unsafe for me and I'm nervous. No worries, it does not cost anything. I submitted tons of naughty photos and my location on the user profile too. I am ready to swap cell #s on there to prove to you I'm real. I'm on it now so talk to you soon! :)
They include a couple of photos of an impossibly attractive young girl in a bathing suit or some sexy lingerie to sweeten the deal. Of course I'm not going to do them the favor of including the link as I'm sure it's a scam site guaranteed to absolutely riddle your computer with virtual VD.
Craigslist took some heat a few years back for posting straight-up solicitations for prostitution. They've cleaned that up but now there's this. My ad was posted in the "CL > tampa bay > for sale / wanted > tickets - all" section and I'm getting a couple of these every day. I can only imagine what's happening to the poor folks who are posting ads in the "CL > tampa bay > personals > women seeking men" or "CL > tampa bay > personals > men seeking to cheat on their spouses in a car parked behind the Hess station" sections.
A really interesting aspect is the names attached to these emails. I'm going to assume that a computer is generating these things. I'm also going to assume that computers don't know shit about what human beings are named. Here's a list of the lovely young ladies from whom I've received these solicitations so far...
Whitemarsh Eldreth
Standafer Busbey
Brull Kaiser
Audria Kirchhoff
Thorson Eldreth (Whitemarsh has a sister?)
Creps Gani
Vea Delreal
Mastropaolo Widdowson
Rensen Skoglund (who I think may have skated for Finland in the Olympics)
Warchol Kalinowski
Albro Sylvia
Melgar Bucek

The one that really stands out, and troubles me, is Brull Kaiser. It's a horrible name, like a hybrid of 'Brutal' and 'Bull'. It's not a name that says 'Pretty!'. It's a name that says 'Dolph Lundgren in drag and slutty warpaint'.

"Come over here and play mit mein hair, mein little Kartoffelpuffer!"
Like I said, it's pretty obvious that some computer program spit that out and the whole thing is a scam... but what if? What if there's a slight possibility that the email is legitimate and it turns out that Brull really is a beautiful, intelligent woman with a really warm and sweet personality? Sure, she works all day on her father's dairy farm, chastizing lazy milkers. But at night, she sends out emails in the hope of finding her true love, like a sexy fairy tale princess. Alas, no one answers. Because her name is Brull. Brull! And poor, sweet Brull, she cries herself to sleep every night, tears trailing down her pillow to her silky, skimpy nightgown.
What if that's the case? What is that's actually a real thing?!?
I guess there's only one way to find out... Of course, I'm not going to do it, though.

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