Monday, December 23, 2013

The elf on the pot

I've noticed a lot of negative backlash toward The Elf on the Shelf this holdiay season. Suddenly people seem to be tired of the classic Christmas prankster and his antics. "He's/It's creepy" is the most repeated complaint. It's hard to argue against that. There's no telling what that shifty-eyed bastard is capable of, being as his goal is to cause "mischief" and "mischief" is such a subjective concept; one elf's leaving the top off the toothpaste could very well be another's sexual abuse of a family pet. Why take that chance? You can still enjoy elf-based Yule-tidey shenanigans, thanks to
El Caganer
(From Wikipedia): "A Caganer (Catalan pronunciation: [kəɣəˈne], Western Catalan: [kaɣaˈne]) is a figurine depicted in the act of defecation appearing in nativity scenes in Catalonia and neighbouring areas with Catalan culture such as Andorra, Valencia, Northern Catalonia (in southern France) and the Balearic Islands. It is most popular and widespread in these areas, but can also be found in other areas of Spain (Murcia), Portugal and southern Italy (Naples). The name "El Caganer” literally means “the crapper” or "the shitter". Traditionally, the figurine is depicted as a peasant, wearing the traditional Catalan red cap (the "barretina") and with his trousers down, showing a bare backside, and defecating. "

See? El Caganer has exactly one idea of a good time: crapping on yours. Sure, that's disgusting but at least you know what you're up against. The legend of El Caganer dates back to the 17th century or so, although the origins and reason for it's existence are muddled. many seem to think it symbolizes fertilization of the earth which is a wish for a bountiful harvest in the upcoming new year. I'm willing to bet somebody just thought it would be funny to poop-bomb a nativity sceene. Either way, El Caganer is a big deal, apparently.

Here's a stamp. Go on, lick it.

A children's book...

An interactive children's book (hint: buy extra brown pencils)

Good heavens, this one is in 3D for some reason!

Funny how they all look so blissfully zoned out, isn't it? But maybe you don't want a stoner with the squirts hanging around your house either. Maybe you want your pooper to have a little more gravitas.
Empathy for the brotherhood of man plus poop, ala John Lennon

Reverence for the spirituality which binds us together as one plus poop, ala the Dalai Lama

The spirit of action and adventure plus poop, ala Spiderman
The point is, why put up with crap like this...

When you can have crap like this?

This will be the last (new) blog post of 2013. Tomorrow we'll resume our annual Christmas tradition, but aside from that I'm taking some time off to play pinball and watch The Hudsucker Proxy (New Years tradition). Also to work and work, plus work and work and work. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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