Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The Ducks Who Walk

I don't get ducks.
When it comes to getting from point A to point B, ducks are a triple threat. They can fly, swim and walk.. they're like the US Marine Corps of the animal kingdom, only without the fanatical commitment to a sense of duty. In the apartment complex where I live there are...I'm going to estimate conservatively here...about 17, 582 ducks hanging around at any given time, so I have plenty of opportunity to observe them. And what I don't understand is why, with the ability to swim and fly, they spend so much time walking. Of those three abilities, walking is what they appear worst at. When they fly, they soar majestically in the sky. When they swim, they're glide effortlessly through the water. When they walk, they look like drunks with their shoes on the wrong feet. Have you seen them walk? Ridiculous! There's a sign here in the complex that warns drivers to watch for ducks. It's not near one of the ponds. It's not on a 15' tall pole. It's at eye level near the street. Why? Why should I, the ground-bound stupid human pedestrian person ever have to watch out for one of nature's most amazing animals? What the hell, ducks?!?
They're blessed with the gift of flight!
Who doesn't wish they could fly? I know I do! If I could fly, I'd fly everywhere. To work, to the store, to the different rooms in my apartment. Instead of sitting in a dumb chair writing this, I'd be hovering a few inches off the ground, just because I could.
They swim like olympic champions!
Here's what I think the ducks must have said to Noah: "Listen, we really appreciate your kind offer to escape the catastrophic world-wide flood that's going to completely wipe out civilization and all living creatures left behind by inviting two of us to join you on your home-made boat. That's really very considerate on behalf of, well, a couple of us. And even though we possess a skill set that means floods, regardless of how big they may be, really don't pose much of a threat to us, we're happy to accept. While we, and by "we" I mean every single last one of us ducks, could easily bob alongside the ark, paddling when we feel like it or just effortlessly floating (and that's when we're not flying around to break up the monotony), which would free up space for a couple of other people or species or something, we really like what you've done to the decks and look forward to walking around on them."
But no, they'd rather walk.
Man, I just do not get ducks.

1 comment:

Renee said...

Nice post! I enjoyed reading it.