Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Has this ever happened to you?

You're at the grocery store and someone catches your eye. "Wow, she's attractive", you think. Not like she's-out-of-your-league-because-she's-fashion-model-gorgeous-and-therefor-out-of-everybody's-league, just...nice looking. As in, she looks nice and she looks like she is nice. She isn't laughing but you can easily picture her laughing because she probably laughs often and looks great doing so. That kind of nice. You consider talking to her. Just go up and say something funny about groceries. But that would be weird. That would be stupid. Dumb idea. So you don't say anything and get in your car and head to the gas station, a little aggravated at yourself for not saying anything because nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?
Then as you're pumping your gas, you see her pull in to the gas station. "Well, now that's interesting", you think. She must live in the neighborhood. That makes you neighbors. Nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with a neighbor. That's the most normal thing to do in the world. There should be more of that kind of interaction between people. It would make the world a better place, doncha think? Howdy neighbor! It would be interesting to get her thoughts on the subject. But it looks like she just paid for whatever she bought inside and is getting back in her car. Now you'd have to go all the way over there, say "excuse me" and stop her from driving off and now it's a whole strange...thing. And who needs that? So you finish pumping your gas and head over to browse the magazines at your local bookstore.
When you walk in, you see her again, right there, reading magazines. Regardless of how you feel about destiny, you figure this is some kind of sign. Something in the universe is telling you that you're supposed to talk to her. If nothing else, you have to at least comment on how bizarre the whole situation is. What are the odds of running into the same person three times in a row in three different places? Apparently, 100%! You're good at observational humor. She'd probably appreciate your humorous take on this whole thing. You approach and say, "Hi. I saw you at the grocery store, the gas station and now here at the bookstore and I think..." and she backs up and says, loud enough for other people to hear, "oh my god, are you following me?". Technically, yeah, you are...but it's not going to help anything by saying, "as a matter of fact, yes I am". So instead you say, "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else" and you turn around and get the hell out of there, thinking that at least one person is going to write down your license plate number.

No? Me too. I mean, me neither. That's crazy! I know, right? Ha ha! How just...just crazy would something like that be if it actually happened to somebody in real life.


Jessie said...


It's a good thing that didn't actually happen to you, because if it did, I'd be laughing at you...and that'd just be rude.

Wildhair said...

No, you walk up to her at the bookstore and say, "you're following me. Is there a reason?" To which she'll give you a raised eyebrow. You tell her the grocery store to the gas station to the bookstore tale -- She replies, "But I was here first!" And to that you say, "Ahhhh so you have been watching me."
One of two things can happen: She laughs at your cuteness or she sprays you with pepper spray.