Money for nothing

Last week on one of my days off, I was sitting around bored. So I called a friend in the hopes that she would provide some sort of entertainment for me. "Well, I'm going to a workshop downtown. You can come along if you want", she said. "Sounds awesome. I'm in. What is it? Working? Shopping? I don't get it", I said. She told me it was a workshop put on by the Children's Board of Hillsborough County regarding the application process for Technical Assistance and Match Funds for not-for-profit organizations. Perfect! I own a business that's never come close to generating a profit. Sign me up!
It seems the Children's Board has a pool of about $350,000 that's intended to assist organizations build their capacity through strategic activities to strengthen their ability to operate effectively over the long term. There's plenty of info about it right here and if you're affiliated with a non-profit service provider, community based organization or governmental entity serving children (pre-natal to 18) and their families in Hillsborough County, you should definitely check into it. As far as the workshop I went to, I'm not real good at paying attention. So I didn't. And I guess I missed a couple of key points. Which is why when it was over and they asked if there were any questions, I raised my hand.
"So, when do we get our free money? Do we just line up or do you come around with it?"
"Uhhh.."
"You said there's a pot of $350,000 and there's about 30 of us here. By my calculations, that's about $10,000 each with a little left over. I'm willing to take that just to make it a clean sweep."
"That is not how it works..."
"Okay, so we get it in the mail? That's disappointing but if that's how it works, I guess I'll have to wait."
"Sir, there's guidelines and an application process..."
"Right, right, right. Listen, I'm a results guy. Not really into the...process...thing, okay? That sounds like a whole deal and I'm not into it. So I'm going home, okay?"
"I think that would be best."
So I'm sitting here waiting for my money to show up. I don't know how that works since I didn't give them my name or address but they're affiliated with the government so they have that info somewhere on file and will figure it out. Once it gets here, that whole not-for-profit status will be a thing of the past.