Survey says...

I participated in another one of those consumer surveys yesterday. I love earning easy money and it doesn't get much easier than sitting around in some hotel banquet room, drinking Diet Coke and giving your opinion. I haven't done one in a long time but I've done enough of them to recognize certain archetypes among the people who participate in these things.

• The I've-Got-A-Better-Idea Guy: "This is fine...I guess somebody will buy it, I don't know...but it's crap. You know what you should do? You should come up with a portable radio that has AM, FM and ham capacity. Ham radio is going to be huge, once the novelty wears off and people finally realize the inherent limitations of the internet. You got your AM. You got your FM. And you got your ham. All on one handy portable device. Boom! Now you got something." Well, that's great, but today we're talking about chewable antacids. "Hey, I'm just offering my opinion. That's why I'm here."


• Shy Ronnie: Your participation is crucial. We really want to hear what you have to say about this product. We need as much feedback as possible so try to give detailed responses to questions. Open up, discuss, and share your opinions. Now, we are taping this, so we can go back and study this session. So please, speak clearly and above all, please give us as much information as you possibly can. Does everyone understand? "Uh-huh."


• The Life of the Party: "An antacid that's also a breath mint? Is somebody trying to tell me something? Hiyo!! This guy knows what I'm talking about! Am I right or am I right?"


• Mr. Malleable: Of the two logos shown here, which do you like better? "Oh, definitely B" Why? "Huh?" Why do you prefer B to A? " Uhh..I...uhh...I like it...better." But why? "Uhh..'cause i like it more." But what is your reason? "Uhh...B has two stars on it and A has three stars" Yes. And? "That's too many...uhh..stars. Too many stars on the logo. I like two stars. Not three stars. I don't like to look at too many stars. I mean, three stars are okay. That's not all that many. It's not like having ten stars. Three stars are good. I like it. I like them both. I like A better."