Wednesday, May 04, 2011

A few days late & several dollars short: hey, let's make fun of the Royals!

(I meant to post this on Monday, when it still would have been fresh in people's minds but something sort of came up on Sunday night, and, well, I just didn't. But here it is now. So, yay!)

I didn't watch The Royal Wedding last Friday; I was up and at 'em that morning, exchanging a pair of shoes at WalMart. If not for that, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. As part of my relatively newfound philosophy of not hating stuff that other people like, I'm not automatically going to hate this kind of thing, even though it's not something I enjoy (although the idea of some older gentleman with a tweed cap sitting in a pub somewhere in the UK muttering "bollocks" while it was going on did give me a warm and fuzzy). But the whole thing is just so over-the-top in terms of pomp, circumstance and pure spectacle that I can't not at least make fun of it a little bit. Between a prince and a princess getting married followed by the news of the world's scariest villian meeting his demise, this as close as most of us are ever going to get to living in a Disney cartoon. So let's celebrate that!
"I regret that I am unable to attend. However, I have acquired acute lead poisoning and have plans this weekend to feed some fish."
Souvenirs were available so you could commemorate exactly where you were when people who wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire were having the time of their lives.
It's the perfect size for a single serving of soup!

I shall adorn it with the my heart!

Mmm, this single serving of soup tastes like love!

Perfect for a workout at the gym or a leap from a bridge!

So classy!
Much of the attention was focused on the finery worn by those in attendance, especially the outlandish hats, like these...
"Hi! I don't eat!"
And these...
"Because I'm a football player, Victoria, not a chimney sweep. That's why I'm not wearing it."
 And especially this!
Animal trivia: The reproductive system of the female raccoon is located on its forehead! 
Princess Beatrice's "hat" got so much attention that hardly anyone even noticed her sister with a gravy boat full of grapes and feathers on her head!

"I'm not saluting; I'm preparing to slap that silly thing off her head!"
Eventually, everybody settled down and the business of matrimonial ceremony got under way...

Where do these guys get all those medals? Are there wars going on that the rest of the world doesn't know about that only princes, dukes, viscounts and earls can fight?

"In sickness and in health, for richer or for p...I'm sorry, what was the next word? I don't recognize it."
And so whether it was something that swept you away to a magical fairy tale fantasy of grace and elegance or whether you saw it as merely a highly entertaining show that distracted us from the stress and strife that pervades our daily lives, we should all be thankful to The Royal Family for allowing us to be a small part of this grand occassion. And for giving us this...
"Yes dear, stiff upper lip and all that."


RottenMom said...

For real, they couldn't wait?!!

The little girl should have covered her eyes!

Denise said...

Racoon's reproductive system - damn fine show, Clark! Top rate chuckles from that one.

Jeff Hickmott said...

Well, I for one do not wish to remember where i was when the Royal Nuptials occurred. Because i was at work. Alone. Bored out of my tiny mind. Because for some bizarre reason, the company I work for thought maybe someone would come in and buy frozen food while the Wedding was on telly. Bah.

Why, it's Clark! said...

RM, it's important to tie an untied shoe right away...that's what's happening there...right?

Thanks, Denise!

Jeff, I thought it was a national holiday. Wait, "holiday" means something else there, doesn't it?