Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I'm back...and with solid-gold backing!

Trust us!
Hello everyone.
As you may be aware, I have been away from the keyboard for a while. It’s nice to be back. I hope everyone was okay while I was away. It was about a week and a half but it seems much, much longer. You wouldn’t expect things to change in such a relatively short time, but they always, always, always do. For example, apparently this very blog has a new sponsor; a company called Runescape Gold. I know this because they posted 18 comments to previously published articles here between 4:37 am and 5:42 am this past Saturday! Comments like this:

“This kind of post continues to be a little bit of a revelation if you ask me.” –posted to ‘Hateny

And this:

“I will be thus pleased this specific world wide web thing functions along with your post genuinely solved the problem. Normally takes you up on that will property advice you” – posted to ‘Dicks can’t drive’

And this:

“I recently stumbled on your current report and also have been recently reading through together. I would like to express my love of your respective writing skill along with ability to help make viewers go through right away for the conclusion. I have to read modern content Buy Runescape Gold and talk about my thoughts along. “ – posted to ‘The mark of true professionalism!

Who would go to all the trouble of parsing together a bunch of nouns and verbs and adjecadabras into something that kind of resembles sentences (well, not the kind spoken by someone who hadn’t had a garage door slammed on their head, but still, sentence-y-esque) if they didn’t have a stake in the enterprise? After all, only some utterly irredeemable ASSHOLE would just co-opt someone's space for the sake of advertising their own goods and services without even offering some form of compensation. So yeah, it looks like I have a corporate sponsor. That’s the kind of thing you’d think I’d know about firsthand, but I guess I missed the memo I was supposed to send to myself.

And while there’s been no exchange of money yet (at least on my end), comments on blog posts aren’t proper advertisements for such a fine business as Runescape Gold. So I went ahead and put something together for them that’s a little more appropriate. Gee, I sure hope they like it!

Here now to for buying the gold of purpose we are. Who?
Runescape Gold!
Who else?
A benefit. A reputable company. Normal guys, who sell, buy and sell the gold and almost never make rapes sometimes!
For you, too? Why not of course!
Satisfied makes? Then good!
Give us then to it? Feel sure!

Hear now is when a celebrity speaks:

American reality TV superstar! Heed his advise!
 “Hi, I’m Jerry Sandusky, disgraced former football coach and the worst person in the world that you’re currently aware of. When I’m not ruining the reputation of a respected institution of higher learning and its athletic department, feasting sexually on children or otherwise being horrible in some way that we don't even know about yet, I’m probably the kind of tool who would do business with a company like Runescape Gold.
Runescape Gold: the official gold broker of reprehensible kiddy-diddlers and all-around me!”

1 comment:

NumberWhisperer said...

You're big time now. I saw this come through in one of your comment feeds and had the momentary good sense to delete it(instead of clicking the link out of stupid, virus-loading curiosity).

I like your style of retribution.