Friday, October 23, 2015

This is what I'm having for lunch.

Look at this.
This bottle of green goo that looks like a witch's armpit sweat.
This is what I'm having for lunch.
I bought it, on purpose, of my own free will, with my own money.
I moved out of my parents house when I was 18, I served in the military and have purchased three different houses in my life.
Yet, this... this may be the most adult thing I have ever done.
See, there were other bottles next to this one. There was a Vanilla Chai Tea on one side and Salted Caramel Latte on the other. I intentionally reached for this one in the middle.
This is what I'm having for lunch.

Look at it!
What color is that?
It looks like the skin of a Frankenstein's monster that was left out in the rain for a couple of days before it got bored and wandered off into a swamp.
And I'm going to drink it for lunch.
"With what?", you ask. "A sandwich? Some chips? A candy bar?"
Nothing. Just this.
This is what I'm having for lunch.

Look at it!!
It has kale, spinach, cucumbers and romaine lettuce. Apparently those things contain every alphabetic vitamin, including sub-genres, "plus a touch of lemon to brighten things up".
It looks like the supervisor at Bolthouse Farms said "is there any possible way we can make it look just a little less like diarrhea from a baby goat?" and the staff replied, "no."
It's got 90 calories, zero fat. zero cholesterol, 65mg of sodium. 350mg of potassium, 23g of total carbohydrates and 1g of protein.
I fully expect it to taste like sewer runoff that accumulated at that spot near the river where those kids found a dead body once.
Because I'm an adult now and it's good for me. I guess.
This is what I'm having for lunch.

UPDATE: Huh. It actually wasn't bad at all. In fact, I liked it. This is what I'll have for lunch again soon.

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