Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Hey everybody! Let's get college degrees!


Hope for dumb guys like me is finally here. Check out the email I got yesterday, completely unedited exactly as I received it:
----- Original Message -----
From: "Cuc Versie"
Sent: Tuesday, May 20, 2008 6:26 PM
Subject: No test, No class, buy yourself Bacheelor/MasteerMBA/Doctoraate dip1omas, VALID in all countries kux rsnw
Bacheelor, MasteerMBA, and Doctoraate diplomas available in the field of your choice that's right, you can even become a Doctor and receive all the benefits that comes with it! Our Diplomas/Certificates are recognised in most countries No required examination, tests, classes, books, or interviews. ** No one is turned down ** Confidentiality assured CALL US 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK
This is really, really too good to be true. Which means that there is absolutely no possible downside! It doesn't say officially what institution this is but I'm pretty sure it's got to be Awesome University. Never mind the seemingly poor grammar, punctuation and syntax on display in the email. Nobody really even talks good English no more anyhow.Get with the times, man!
  • "...diplomas available in the field of your choice" Uh, there's no such thing as a degree in collecting vintage tin wind-up robots, Clark. Oh really, a-hole? Because the framed diploma hanging up there on my wall has a little something to say about that. Now get the hell out of my office!
  • "...you can even become a Doctor and receive all the benefits that comes with it!" Everybody knows doctors have it made. What do doctors even do? Nobody knows. But they get good parking places, weekdays off, free labcoats AND a license to fondle.
  • "Our Diplomas/Certificates are recognised in most countries" No problem. I only live in one of them.
  • "No required examination, tests, classes, books, or interviews." You know, that particular curriculum just happens to suit me and my lifestyle perfectly.
  • "No one is turned down" Here we have the all-American democratic cherry on top of the scholastic sundae with academia nuts. With very little effort whatsoever (which is my very favorite kind of effort), even I am able to meet this standard.
  • "CALL US 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK" As if any one of the attributes listed above weren't enough, they have the same operating hours as your local 7-Eleven. Come!! ON!!!
Dean Versie, I will be in touch!

1 comment:

Wildhair said...

Dayum, and I thought skoolin' were gunna be hard. Sine me up. I wunt to mak 6 figgers.