The Flying Squirrel!

Recently, a friend declared that the flying squirrel is now her favorite animal. This reminded me of my misspent youth when I used to write and draw the comic book adventures of a superhero known only as The Flying Squirrel. A mild-mannered pet shop owner by day (yes, seriously. What? I was, like, 8), The Flying Squirrel patrolled the city by night, striking fear into the hearts of criminals everywhere. He had no actual superpowers, but using his extensive knowledge of rodents, he designed a costume that allowed him to swoop down on evil-doers from great heights. You can say he was one dimensional if you want to, but he was hell at swooping.

These fond memories have inspired me. So for the first time in over 35 years or so, here is a new chapter in the dark legend of The Flying Squirrel!

Criminal 1: We're almost in. Just a few more minutes and the entire contents of the city's art museum vault will be ours!

Criminal 2: Yeah, well hurry up. I don't have a good feeling about being exposed out here like this.

Criminal 1: Look, I told you already, the only way to access the vault is through this wall that just happens to be in a wide open courtyard that's surrounded on all four sides by tall buildings.

Criminal 2: It just seems like we're tempting fate. There's a superhero in this city whose specialty is swooping down and here we are, in a prime swooping down location.

Criminal 1: Just relax. There's nothing to...WHAT TH--OW!!! Something has knocked the wind out of me, rendering me unable to fight or flee!

Criminal 2: OUCH! And at the same time, I have suffered a blow to the head and am rapidly losing consciousness!

The Flying Squirrel: Ha HA! You have been swooped down upon by THE FLYING SQUIRREL! Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot. Will their kind never learn? Perhaps had they not dropped out of school...

Criminal 3: Hey, what's going on?

The Flying Squirrel: Who are you?

Criminal 3: I'm the third member of this criminal gang. I just stepped around the corner to smoke a cigarette, drink some wine and cheat on my taxes. Who are you?

The Flying Squirrel: I am...The Flying Squirrel. And you're under arrest, bub.

Criminal 3: I think I will shoot you. With my gun.

The Flying Squirrel: Wait! Don't do that...uh, stand over here for a minute.

Criminal 3: What? Why?

The Flying Squirrel: Because, ah, the light is better. Out in the open, not too close to any walls. And stay there for a minute, I'll be right back.

Criminal 3: Where are you going?

The Flying Squirrel: Upstairs, to like the 4th or 5th floor. I forgot something.

Criminal 3: Are you going up there so you can swoop down on me?

The Flying Squirrel: What? No. I...um...

Criminal 3: I think you are. I think you plan on going up there so you can swoop down on me.

The Flying Squirrel: ...

Criminal 3: I'll wait. For a few minutes. But I'm going to stand here against this wall, so it's more difficult for you to do that.

The Flying Squirrel: No! You should stand more out in the open. Away from the wall or any other solid obstructions.

Criminal 3: Why?

The Flying Squirrel: Because, it's, um, bad luck to not stand out in the open. Everybody knows that.

Criminal 3: Well...okay.

The Flying Squirrel: Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot. Will their kind never learn?

Criminal 3: What did you say?
The Flying Squirrel: Nothing. I'll be right down. Err, I mean back. I'll be right back. Don't look up for the next ten minutes or so.

TUNE IN 35 YEARS OR SO FROM NOW TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF...THE FLYING SQUIRREL!