I kissed IKEA and I liked it

After receiving an invitation that I was positive wasn't intended for me, I got up at 5AM yesterday to attend the IKEA Tampa grand opening. I had never been to an IKEA store before and I had expressed that I didn't understand why people were so fanatical about it. This resulted in me being labeled an IKEA hater. But while devotion may equal love, skepticism (or in my case, blind ignorance) doesn't necessarily equal hatred. So I went to check it out, and while I won't say that I'm a converted fanatic, I will say it was very cool, different in so many ways from any store I've ever seen. I really enjoyed the experience and will certainly do it again.

Dear God, did I just use the word "experience" to describe shopping at IKEA?!

Here's a shot from the Clark-o-copter, piloted by one of my robot drones. Many of the people in this line were very disappointed when they got to the end and found out there was no free chicken.

Me and the Mayor, the Honorable Pam Iorio. Mayor Pam told me that she is a fan of the Proud Lion Pub. No joke. I believe she is also a fan of this blog. No comment.

IKEA is all about designing innovative, efficient products. Here's something for people who love musical percussion marching ensembles but just don't have the space available for a regular, full-size drumline.



The prototype for flamboyantly dressed hip-hop guys, however, still has some space-saving kinks to be worked out and is still in development



The last sound you hear before IKEA employees attack...

What overwhelming looks like

I am frightened by real-life incarnations of fictional characters from children's literature, having once been nearly mauled to death by Winnie The Pooh. Luckily, I had this brave squid to protect and comfort me.

The Swedes have a lot to learn about America. Uh, that's not what those are and that's not how it's spelled, okay?

Swedes have a sense of humor, although it appears they've only recently seen "Wayne's World".

Much of the appeal of shopping at IKEA is the low prices. But I don't really know anything about home furnishings and what they cost. I don't even remember ever buying any furniture myself and I could be in real trouble if I ever have to explain where I got all this stuff in my apartment. So I really don't know what is or is not a bargain because I don't have a point of reference...

Well, now we're talking! That's a GREAT price on a hot dog! Easily the best value I have ever seen on...wait a minute...what's that fine print say?



Ah HA!!



I remain unconvinced about these exceptional bargains...
Wow. Okay, I'm officially impressed. Whatever it is, it's a deal. A guy standing nearby pointed out "I can buy 10 of them for $2.90 or a hundred of them for only $29.00..." Apparently some sort of genius in exponential mathematics, I had no idea how far he was willing to extrapolate so I grabbed one and headed for the register.



And here it is, my grand purchase at IKEA. .32 with tax, which I paid for with exact change at the self-service checkout (because I'm a wiz at those things). It's plain (no logos or markings of any kind), it's devoid of anything remotely resembling color, it's small and I really, really like it. Well played, IKEA. I will return to sample your madness again soon.