So we have to say good-bye for the summer...

As far as television (and the thermometer here in Florida) is concerned, it is summer time already. That means it's time to say farewell to my tv friends until we meet again in the fall (or later). Luckily, Walt and Jesse are still here (for the time being), Mike and Sam will be back soon and my favorite tv pals of all will return later. But I'm still a little sad because I'll miss the people below.

JACK
Once again, you've earned some rest. You have some serious health issues to resolve but you should be fine. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to extend the hospital stay; it's hard to get DUIs, head-butt fashion designers and engage in general assholery while you're in a coma. Although, if anyone could pull that off, it'd be you.









BIG BANGERS
You guys work best as a group. So while I won't miss any of you as individuals, your absence creates a void that makes me not even want to eat Chinese food on Monday night.
Okay, I will miss Sheldon just a little more than the rest of you.

JOHN
You're apparently dead so I don't know why I'm talking to you. Unless you aren't, and really, who even knows?

JAMES/SAWYER/LaFLEUR
Okay, whatever you're calling yourself, you've proven that you're a good guy. But your girlfriend Juliette? Brutal. I'm sorry but you need to know. She's really annoying. I've never liked her. And frankly, after the whole, "Let's leave...no, let's go back and stop Jack...no, let's help him" shuffle, the fact that she's buried under a ton of scrap metal at the bottom of a pit, banging on a hydrogen bomb with a rock feels kind of right.






HUGO
You're the only person on the island who has actually been committed to an asylum, yet as far as I can tell, you're the only sane one there. That's perfect. While you're retroactively pre-writing George Lucas scripts, can you re-work "Return of the Jedi" sans Ewoks please?











JACK (different one)
Enjoy the summer Jack. Maybe you should give your daughter a call. Well...maybe not.

PS: There seems to be a lot of people on tv named Jack, yet the only ones I know in real life are animals. Why is that?








LIZ
Time for you to go back to the governor's igloo and take care of business there for a while. I know it's just Alaska but those moose aren't going to shoot themselves.










TRACY
You can use the free time to finally start working on the long awaited sequels to "Who Dat Ninja" and "Honky Grandma Be Trippin'"!










MICHEAL
The best and worst boss I never had. You may actually be dumber than Homer Simpson but you're a good person down deep. Here's hoping Summer is kind to you. And yes, that is what she said (her name is Summer).












DWIGHT
Oh Dwight, I think I'll miss you most of all. Sure, you're an irredeemably obnoxious prick but you're my kind of irredeemably obnoxious prick. That's also what she said.