Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Well, who wouldn't?

You guys! This situation in the gulf has gotten really, really serious for reals! Sure, the lives of plants and sea life and people who make (well, made) their livings along the gulf's coast have all been affected (in most cases, "affected" would mean "fucked up", in others, "ended"), but now, well, this whole mess is negatively impacting BP chairman Tony Heyward. He wants his life back, guys! BP has done it's god's darndest best to fix the things they screwed up in the first place but the Junk Shots and Top Kills and other remedies presumably named after rejected titles of Elmore Leonard novels, well, they just haven't worked out, okay? Sorr-ry! Jeez! And all this poor, unfortunate, miserable, stupid, lying, greedy, shifty prick bastard wants is his life back! If you can't empathize, try to put yourself in the blown-up shoes of the 11 people killed in the original accident. I'll bet they would understand better than anybody what it's like not to have a life because of this situation. Literally.
But Tony isn't asking for anything as grandiose as the gift of life itself, just to go back to
making over $4.5 million dollars a year and not having to talk to people in Louisiana. Nobody wants to do that, including seated US presidents. He's embattled, you guys. Embattled! I don't really know what that word means, but I would guess it has something to do with being raped repeatedly by syphilitic sea urchins, if there is any true justice in this universe.

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